What makes a qualified pyrate?

[Nigel]

...but she don't be feelin' right about lettin' go with an ARRRR.  ....

Oh, tell her that's the easy part.

It starts in the back of the throat.... then just let it rip...... kinda slow at first and then add a little feral growl......

Like this.......

ARRRGGGh !

Try a short one if that's too much...

Argh.

Again: with a little more panache....... ARRRGGGGHHHH !!!!

Practice repeatedly until it becomes natural and just rolls out.

Then go buy a flintlock and some powder. Say Arrrgggh while you're loading it and as you squeeze off a few rounds.

Presto! You're a P I R A T E.

I 'members me first Arrrgh. And I've coached a few in me own time.

A person's first "ARRGH!" usually goes something like this:

"C'mon, Say it."

No.

"C'mon, be a pirate! Everyone else is doing it!"

Well, okay, just this once.

*kiff kiff*

Rgh.

"No, more gusto!"

"I dunno.

*Kiff koff*

Irrg.

"C'mon, let it really fly! Yer a PIRATE, fer blast sakes!"

Don't push me.

*Koff koff*

"Argh."

"That's better! Again"

*Koff Choke*

Arrrrgh.

"Get yer belly into it!"

*choke*

ARRRGH!

"Better! Again!"

*koff choke wheeze*

ARRRRGH!

"Okay that's good."

*koff wheeeze sputter*

ARRRGH me HARTIES!

"Okay, fine."

*flap sputter*

AAAARRRRRGH!

"Great. You can stop now."

*flop koff*

ARRRRGH! Timber me shivers.. er...Sliver in me finger...er...Deliver me lumber! I'm a pirate!

"Oookay. That's good. You really can stop now."

(Accosting every passer by:)

ARRRRRRGH!

ARRGH! SHIVER ME TIMBERS ME SCURVY MATEY BILGE DOG!

"That's fine. Yer gettin' the hang of it. REALLY, you can stop now."

(Chasing people down the street as they flee from the newly born social terror):

AAAARRRRRRRRGGHHH!

...and so it goes. Once they gets started, they's can 'ardly be stopped.

Sjöröveren

I hate to contradict the eternal wisdom of Monty Python, but in this case, I think the most important question may indeed be: "Do you have your own hat?" If she does, she's in. If she doesn't, she's in, she'll just need to get a hat. And lots of other cool stuff. Because when yer a pirate, it's all about the swag.

Aye, Sjer…Sjur…”ow’s about I just call ye “SoJo”?

Anyhoo….ye be right on th’ money thar, mate! I likes th’ way ye think!

Pirate Lassie

I have a slightly piratical problem

And PirateLassie dear, why doesn't ya convince the rest o' yer mates to be pirates as well? Or at least enough to stage a mutiny!!! Now THAT'S pirate thinkin' fer ya!

[SirJewelsCole]

Just forget about bathing. Seemed tew work fer me.

[piratelassie]

SUCCESS!!!!!!!

Me mum caved and I was able ta wear me pirate outfit ta aforementioned school dinner. Me sister disowned me, cause I didn't look 'normal' but hey, I am me own style. I must say I recieved many many compliments. Much better than lookin' like everyone else with tropical skirts and the like.

Oh, and Sir Jewels Cole, I agree. Bathing is highly overrated. Unless of course ye're bathin in the ocean. Ya know, ye can get passably clean bathin in the sea usin' only Joy dishwashin' soap fer soap an' shampoo Handy trick that, if'n ya needs ta be clean fer whatever reason

[Nigel]

Thar ya go, lass! Yer gettin' the hang of bein' a pirate!

The funny thing is, e'en tho' they may balk about it, nobody can resist pirates. It's like magic.

Why be "normal"???

It's the pirate attitude. Ye doesn't ask t' have a good time, ye makes yer own good time and invites others t' join in! Ye takes o'er, garpplin hooks to th' sides, ye rushes the deck, pushes the dunderheads off the plank, and runs yer colors up the mast fer all t'see! Absolutely irresistible.

I have seen e'en the coldest curmudgeon warm up and come alive once the pirates take o'er and start havin' fun. Besides, who wants t'be left out of a good time? Sometimes they wind up bein' the closet "life of the party" and they just needs t'get in touch with their inner "arrgh!"

That's our job - as ambassadors of the "Inner Arrrgh!" we does a service fer the community.

Keep up the good work, and spread the "arrgh!"

[thepiratecaptainmorgan]

The Finite Line between Brilliance and Madness.

Or being in the Wron place at the Wrong time.

It's all a matter of Degree Really.

[Saskia]

That's when I discovered that being a pirate isn't about forcing yourself to say "arrg" or "yarr" --- it was about feeling the "arrrg" down deep inside. Yes, you have helped me get in touch with my inner pirate.

That, me mate, has to be one of the strangest things I've ever read.

On the other hand, it's true!

And on yet another hand, it sounds like a pyrate inspiration/self-help book.

...I wonder if we could write one of those...

That's what I thought when I read it too

I reckon we should have acrack at that self help book. We could call it "Finding Your Inner Arrr: The Seven Secrets of a Succesful Pirate."

In summary:

1: Want treasure

2: Look for treasure

3: Get treasure

4: Fight to keep treasure from being stolen

5: Spend treasure

6: Enjoy the goods and services you exchanged for your treasure

7: Say "Arrr"

And then we could turn the steps into deeply significant symbols of the spirit, as in step one, "want treasure" can be translated as:

"To be truly and deeply happy, you must desire to find the treasure within you. Everyone has a wonderful core within themselves which only needs dedication and strength of spirit to be released in the form of a rich and glorious "Arr". The key to finding your inner treasure is to desire it more than anything on earth as many wise and revered gurus/prophets have also said etc etc..."

And you can make millions.

Sorry I'm getting a little cynical here... I don't hold much truck with self help books... no offence to anyone who does.

[piratelassie]

:lol Funny funny, Saskia. I don't put much o' me faith in self help books either. Although a pirate self help book would be amusing, I think ye've got ta figger out bein a pirate fer yerself. Not many o' us can read besides. :)

[Red Bess]

"The Arrgg Inside: Getting In Touch with Your Inner Pirate" by Red Bess

Keep a weather eye out for it, mate. A best-seller in the makin', to be sure!

Although a pirate self help book would be amusing, I think ye've got ta figger out bein a pirate fer yerself. Not many o' us can read besides. 

Seemed like a good idea at the time, but I think yer right: people who buy self-help books aren't pirates, and pirates don't buy self-help books. (they would just steal them, anyway!) So I see no profit in it for me.

How I found Pyracy in an unfree world?

Your Pyratical Zones?

The Atkins 30 day Pyrate Diet (only eat what you steal)?

Ooooooh the possibilities....

However, I thinking of taking Zorg up on the diet book idea.....

[Zorg]

However, I thinking of taking Zorg up on the diet book idea.....

Not to mention my new best seller:

"How to get in touch with your inner ARRRRRRR!"

(now on books on tape)

Z :)

[John Maddox Roberts]

Next we'll be havin' pirate yoga classes. Imagine a crew of pirates sitting crosslegged on the deck, eyes shut, slowly chanting "aaaaaaarrrrrrr, aaaaaarrrrrr, aaaaaarrrrrr."

[Red Bess]

or this, maybe...

[Iron Bess]

What makes a qualified Pirate ???

Heredity.

[Red Maria]

Next we'll be havin' pirate yoga classes. Imagine a crew of pirates sitting crosslegged on the deck, eyes shut, slowly chanting "aaaaaaarrrrrrr, aaaaaarrrrrr, aaaaaarrrrrr."

Now for another class of Yoga for Pirates . Instead of Warrior 1 pose it could Pirate 1 or downward facing scurvy dog!

[piratelassie]

That's a great one, Red Maria. Downward facing scurvy dog. I likes it. Sort of an aside, but apart from sailin' what does anyone think is a useful athletic skill fer pyrates? Meself, I go fer pole vaultin. Quite handy when boardin' ships.

[Black Hearted Pearl]

Well mates... she be a pyrate now. Leastwise, she's a-comin' t' an event. Watch fer her on the Royaliste o'er the Fourth o' July event in Redwood City. She'll be a-sailin', a-cursin' and a-firin' the cannons jus' like she were born t' it.

If'n cursing be a sign of a pirate, then I be a hall of famer.

[Saskia]

That's great, Maria - downward facing scurvy dog...

Other skill for a pirate... I think climbing has got to be one - climbing all the ropes and masts etc. And fighting skills, obviously, would never go astray.

And... cunning...