Pirate Jokes & Evil Humour

[Merrydeath]

Agreed, don't spill your ale..

(^)(^)

Madonna..

[El Pirata]

(^)(^)

*even better image*

[El Pirata]

No, I was not thinking about Madonna as my esteemed colleague pointed out. I was thinking nice perky hugeones.

[Merrydeath]

Me too...

B====>

[El Pirata]

Now that's a contradiction if I ever saw one or read one....

[Merrydeath]

B============>

better?

[El Pirata]

No the Madonna thing.

[Mad Maudlin McCrumb]

Damn, Merrydeath! That was so funny I fell out of my chair!!!! HAR HAR

[Merrydeath]

Helps Mad Maudlin up, after MM shows her ( V ) to everyone.

Sorry lass, don't wear thongs and lowrise pants when yas fall off yur chair.

[crow]

At an Irishman's wake the widow and her young son are standing by the casket when a man comes up and says " it's a terrible thing that yer husband passed away as he was so young , and leavin a fine wife and son , if you don't mind me askin what did he die of ?" At this the widow says " It was goneriah ." The young son thought that he had missunderstood his mother and just let it pass.

This happened a few more times all with the same answer , well the son leaned over and in an angry whisper said " Mother thats a terrible thing that yer sayin about father you know it was diarrea he died of not goneriah . " At this the mother says " I know son but I'd rather have people think yer father died a sport rather than the shit that he was ."

[Black Deacon]

A biker finally decided to try something besides riding for a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life... until the boat sank! The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies... Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him.

In disbelief he asks her: "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

"I rowed from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."

"Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material that I found on the island; the oars were whittled from gum tree branches; I wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But-but, that's impossible," stutters the man. "You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place, " she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb-struck.

As they walk into the house, her beautiful breasts bouncing with each step, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?"

"No thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can't take any more coconut juice."

"It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened onto its end, inside of a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines and a shell necklace-strategically positioned-and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. I've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right about now, something you've been longing for all these months? You know... " She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing. His heart begins to pound. He's truly in luck:

"You mean...", he gasps, "...you've actually built a motorcycle??"

[Merrydeath]

Southern Wise Men

In a small southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great

skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me.

The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a

"Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about

the helmets.

She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You darn Yankees never do

read the Bible!"

I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about

firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some

pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage.

Sticking it in my face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar.'"

[captweaver65]

Southern Wise Men

In a small southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great

skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me.

The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a

"Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about

the helmets.

She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You darn Yankees never do

read the Bible!"

I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about

firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some

pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage.

Sticking it in my face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar.'"

*smiles while groaning heartily*