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"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-Immanuel Kant was a real pissant

Who was very rarely stable

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar

Who could think you under the table

David Hume could out consume

Schopenhauer and Hegel

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine

Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel

There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya

'Bout the raising of the wrist

Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will

On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill

Plato they say, could stick it away

Half a crate of whiskey every day

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle

Hobbes was fond of his dram

And Rene' Descartes was a drunken fart

'I drink, therefore I am'

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed

A lovely little thinker

But a bugger when he's pissed!"

"In the end, it's not the gold that sets our sails,

'Tis freedom and the promise of a better life

That raises our black flags."

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Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving

And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,

That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,

A sun that is the source of all our power.

The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see

Are moving at a million miles a day

In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,

Of the galaxy we call the 'Milky Way'.

Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.

It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.

It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,

But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.

We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.

We go 'round every two hundred million years,

And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions

In this amazing and expanding universe.

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding

In all of the directions it can whizz

As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,

Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.

So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,

How amazingly unlikely is your birth,

And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,

'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.

Edited by Red-Handed Jill

RHJMap.jpg

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Chaplain: Let us praise God. O Lord...

Congregation: O Lord...

Chaplain: ...Ooh, You are so big...

Congregation: ...ooh, You are so big...

Chaplain: ...So absolutely huge.

Congregation: ...So absolutely huge.

Chaplain: Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You.

Congregation: Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You.

Chaplain: Forgive us, O Lord, for this, our dreadful toadying, and...

Congregation: And barefaced flattery.

Chaplain: But You are so strong and, well, just so super.

Congregation: Fantastic.

Humphrey: Amen.

Congregation: Amen.

christinebarbossagy7.jpg
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After seeing this post of Cheeky's faux ermine (scroll up when you get there) all I can think of is...

just guess...

Dad: There are Jews in the world, there are Buddhists.

There are Hindus and Mormons and then,

There are those that follow Mohammud, BUT

I've never been one of them.

I'm a Roman Catholic,

And have been since before I was born,

And the one thing they say about Catholics

Is they'll take you as soon as you're warm.

You don't have to be a six footer,

You don't have to have a great brain,

You don't have to have any clothes on,

You're a Catholic the moment Dad came.

Because...

Every sperm is sacred,

Every sperm is great,

If a sperm is wasted,

God gets quite irate.

Children: Every sperm is sacred,

Every sperm is great,

If a sperm is wasted,

God gets quite irate.

Child: Let the heathen spill theirs

On the dusty ground,

God shall make them pay for

Each sperm that can't be found.

Children: Every sperm is wanted,

Every sperm is good,

Every sperm is needed,

In your neighborhood.

Mum: Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,

Spill theirs just anywhere,

But God loves those who treat their

Semen with more care.

Men: Every sperm is sacred,

Every sperm is great,

Women:

If a sperm is wasted,

Children:

God gets quite irate.

Priest: Every sperm is wanted,

Br. & Gr: Every sperm is good,

Nannies: Every sperm is needed,

Cardinal: In your neighborhood.

Children: Every sperm is useful,

Every sperm is fine,

Funeral: God needs everybody's,

Mourner1: Mine!

Mourner2: And mine!

Corpse: And mine!

Nun: Let the Pagan spill theirs,

O'er mountain, hill, and plain,

Statues: God shall strike them down for

Each sperm that's spilt in vain.

Everyone: Every sperm is wanted,

Every sperm is good,

Every sperm is needed,

In your neighborhood.

Every sperm is sacred,

Every sperm is great,

If a sperm is wasted,

God gets quite irate.

Edited by Silkie McDonough
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Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

I mean, if I went around saying I was an Emperor because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, people would put me away!

Edited by Thequartermaster
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On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It's a silly place.

...schooners, islands, and maroons

and buccaneers and buried gold...

RAKEHELL-1.jpg

You can do everything right, strictly according to procedure, on the ocean, and it'll still kill you. But if you're a good navigator, a least you'll know where you were when you died.......From The Ship Killer by Justin Scott.

"Well, that's just maddeningly unhelpful."....Captain Jack Sparrow

Found in the Ruins — Unique Jewelry

Found in the Ruins — Personal Blog

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"I have a wevy good fwiend in Wome named Biggus Dickus!"

Why am I sharing my opinion? Because I am a special snowflake who has an opinion of such import that it must be shared and because people really care what I think!

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A Reading from the Book of Armaments, Chapter 4, Verses 16 to 20:

Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

-- Monty Python, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"

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