Cap'n Coyote

*Coyote reappears, dragging the jukebox in from The Cannon Room. Despite the fact it isn't even plugged in, the neon glows, the bubbles bubble, and the disc flashes silver as it's loaded into place. A spotlight hits Coyote as a microphone is pulled from his scabbard.*

Hey there, guys and dolls, dudes and dudettes, pirate, wenches, and kids of all ages! It's time once again to start playin' the tracks from the stacks of wax! Off of the charts and into your hearts! From 9 and 30 'til yer clothes are dirty! That's right! Forget Wolfman Jack, ye've got the one and only Canis spinnin' the platters that matter! Givin' a shout out to one of our pirate peeps from across the big pond! One for you, 'skull, off of the request line!

*Rush explodes into Red Barchetta*

Some handy info:

How to give a cat a pill

1 ) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figures from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and get new one from bedroom.

12) Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop at furniture store on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for ASPCA to collect cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

*standing by with a fire extinguisher, ready to drench the Norn should she get frisky*

'appy birthday, Mate! Cheers to ye!

(beautiful work, Seven)

Continuing with the song lyrics:

COOL CHANGE

Little River Band

If there's one thing in my life that's missing

It's the time that I spend alone

Sailing on the cool and bright clear water

Lots of those friendly people

And they're showing me ways to go

And I never want to lose their inspiration

It's time for a cool change

I know that it's time for a cool change

Now that my life is so prearranged

I know that it's time for a cool change

Well I was born in the sign of water

And it's there that I feel my best

The albatross and the whales they are my brothers

It's kind of a special feeling

When you're out on the sea alone

Staring at the full moon, like a lover

Time for a cool change

I know that it's time for a cool change

Now that my life is so prearranged

I know that it's time for a cool change

Thought this might be fun/useful for all you button fanatics.

Skull and Crossbones Buttons

For all you Alien fans out there...

The "director's cut" of the 1979 horror film Alien has received much critical praise, and Monday’s USA Today is reporting that it will be included in an enormous nine-DVD "Alien Quadrilogy" box set to be released on Dec. 2 that will retail for $99.98. The set will include some 45 hours of previously unseen material, the newspaper said.

"Platu barada nichto"......what is the name of that movie...

The Day the Earth Stood Still

Excellent movie.

'appy birthday, Mate!

Same here.

"In his house in R'lyeh dead Cthulhu lies dreaming"

And despite being totally hokey, I liked Silent Movie - Marty Feldman was a genious with his facial expressions.

And having Marcel Marceau give the only word spoken aloud in the film was sheer brilliance.

"No!"

Arrr! Red Stefan the Gouger at yer service!

Kinda hard not to qualify it when you only go up through the French Revolution.

Aye, Mate! Missed ye in Tortuga!

The last thing he directed was Dracula: Dead and Loving It with Leslie Nielson. Very disappointing.

There was never going to be a History, Part 2. Those were leftover bits from the story development.

Enchantress, if you scroll to the bottom of the main pub page, birthdays will be listed under Pub Stats if there is one on that day.

And then there's this odd observation:

I'm down with pirates. I think pirates have it figured out. There's nothing more exciting in life than gangplanks and treasure. But the thing about pirates that most people forget about is that pirates are more consistently like cyborgs than any other romanticized historical people. Being like a cyborg is cool. You got the hooks for hands. You've got the peg legs. There's only one little step left, and that's to replace the hooks and pegs into things like artificially intelligent weed whackers. Ok, so technology was more primitive back in the heyday of pirates, but I have a suggestion for all you pirates out there stuck in the 17th century: replace that eyepatch with a usable part. Obviously your peg-leg is useful. How about a peg-eye? Just wedge a pole in there, and you can smack people around just by nodding. Hollow it out and make a telescope. Headbang and play the drums, while leaving your arms free for other things, like beating up the second mate. Headbutting other people is that much more lethal. Or, hey, replace your eye with a hook instead. Then you can hang from the rigging and leave both hands free to tie knots and knife off invaders. Best eye replacement yet: install a small keg in that eye socket with a bamboo shoot in the bottom you can suck on. Then you've got a mobile dispensation unit for rum for when you're too busy keelhauling prisoners to hang out in the kitchens.

is one of Brooks' three best...the others being Young Frankenstein and Blazing Saddles.

Alright...this lyric has been stuck in my head for a week now, so I'm exorcising it here:

You treat me like I was your ocean

You swim in my blood when it's warm

My cycles of circular motion

Protect you and keep you from harm

You live in a world of illusion

Where everything's peaches and cream

We all face a scarlet conclusion

But we spend our time in a dream

Steve Miller, Jungle Love

May be slightly off-topic...cope. I needed it out.

Indeed, you’ll go far

Making rhymes on a par

With those at this bar.

So Avast, Lass, and Arrr!

With Candy Samples? Absolutely not! And certainly not the sequel, Flesh Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders, either.

was it .....up..... to par?

Depends on what you're looking to get out of it.

For me, it's a tie between "Give me back my hand!" and "Groovy."

"Hail to the King, Baby." :)

Best wishes!

With Candy Samples? Absolutely not! And certainly not the sequel, Flesh Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders, either.