Rosarita Montoya

H'okay, den: "thees is not true." Happy, Rosa? Now, eef jou weel escuse me for a meenute, I have soam pirates to deal wit'. Capitan Siren, I am on to jour leetle obsession wid' me an my rope. Nex' I s'pose jou going to want me to wash deeshes jusing a soap on a rope, eh? (An' while we on de subject, how I suppose to pull a sunk sheep out of a rope, anyway? Anyone knows jou pull a sunk sheep out of de harbor!) Jus' so jou know, de Aztecs give me new meedel name, call me "Nahapan." And dat's wad' I say when it come to jour deeshes: "Inigo Nahapan." Jou, False Ransom: why jou laugh at leetle conejo? So Rosarita, she t'ink I cute in my baidtime sleepers. So what, eh? Eef she say "leetle cojone" dat be somet'ing else again, but den I know she be talking about somebody else aroun' here. And jou, Jacky Tar: funny jou should mention Iron Chef. Jou probably alraidy know dat "Rosarita has a special way to cook." How jou know so much about us, anyway? Jou been intercepting my despatches to de Cardinal wit'out a FISA warrant or somet'ing? Now, Rosie... eef jou want me to be haippy, jou gon' use dat wheep to start rounding up some of dese creeminals. Jou join The Pirate Hunter, I make jou my downline, jou get reseeduals on any Pirate Hunters jou sign op under jou. Wad' jou say to dat, eh? "Wait jou just call me Rosa? Jou half me to deal wit right now! Why are jou doing rope tricks for Captain Siren? She is a lady capitan, no? Dis Ransom jou doing tricks fer her too?" "Hey, Ransom! De nick name half nuthing to do wit Inigo's slippers." "Dis Jacky how jou know heem? Is heem a food critic?" "Inigo jou haippiness, is not high on priority list, eh." "Why are all dese creeminals wearing peacock feathers in dare sombreros?" "Inigo jou half some esplainin to do! De wheep I may use on jou, to take jou home; or, to kill Joaquin daid, daid, daid..." "Whair are my peons?"

"Inigo, my leetle conejo, jou know I want jou to be happy. But Joaquin has disappeared, and the peons..." Rosie stops speaking and starts to remove the whip from her waist... Aztecs... Peacocks...!!! "Joaquin did not dress the peons like Aztecs, again? Tell me thees is not true!"

Inigo are jou hiding? Please comb home now. The childrens miss jou, and I miss jou! The peons are all missing, and somebodies have stripped the peacocks of dare feathers. It is harvest time and we must put tortillas on the tabla for the childrens.

The wind blows open the door of the Pub. A rain soaked silhouette of a perfect female form is illuminated by a burst of lightning. The scantly clad figure, produces a cry from the back of the pub, "It's Bonnie the Red Weasel!' But as she steps into Pub, and tosses back her black hair, it is clear to all present this is not the Red Weasel. Her damp clothing leaves little to the imagination. A whip hangs from her waist, and no one dares meet her gaze. She clears her throat and begins to speak, in a thick Spanish accent. "Jou do not know who I aim. My name is Rosarita Chiquita Del Monte Montoya, but jou can call me Rosie. I am looking for the man who calls heem self, the Pirate Hunter. He leafs me wit' seex childrens, and I aim hear to tell heem, comb home or prepare to die!"