Tall Mike Bismuth van der Bulge

Do birds eat beans to fly faster?

Oops, double post. How in the blazes does one delete these things?

^ Things tend to flow for me, but I have made the choice on several occasions to abandon myself. I can't really illuminate the exact definition of that, but it's pretty crazy. < Almost through Outlaws Of The Marsh, the best Chinese classic I've ever read. Third volume, sixty-second chapter. I haven't had too much time to attend to the book as of late, unfortunately. v Tolstoy or Dostoevsky?

Arr, iffin' they be anyfin like me, they be sailin' th'seven seas in search o' buried treasure. Freebootrs be needin' thar vacations; a pyrate can't jest be hangin' roun' th'pub all day, y'know.

Arr, me yesterday? I be havin' a MacGyver marathon, o' course!

^ My driver's license. I think that the DMV purposely alters your photograph so that it looks horrid and does not reflect how you actually look. I know they can change your hair colour before you can say "Captain Tall Mike Bismuth van der Bulge" (I had a friend who had blue hair), so completely altering one's face would not be too big of a step. < Currently ending a perfect day with Judas Priest's "Heavy Metal". Straightforward song, methinks. I now have more incense (both stick and cone form) than any man will ever need. Unless, you know, you have to build a dam out of incense or something. I don't have quite that much. v Which item is most abundant in your household?

Weetabix is awesome, but Weet-Bix is even more awesome. If you can ever find it, buy upwards of twenty boxes. You won't regret it. ^About forty hours, maybe. I was young. <Is now listening to the worst music ever made. It's from Santa Cruz, save me! v What's the worst music you've ever heard?

That's a tough one. Well, I was singing "Personal Jesus" most of yesterday, and I came up with some worst-case scenarios in which to be in my deathmobile. I also gave a shot at imagining what my colleauges would look like if they were their opposite sex. I swallowed my own vomit, too. Well, not really, but the prior activity almost triggered some up-chucking.

^The guy who invented beer. <Listens to The Moody Blues and a myriad of little-known Norwegian death metal, in consecutive order. v What is your favourite foreign breakfast cereal?

^Robin Trower. I can't believe you guys skipped that one. Well, it's mine now. ^Commando's the only way to go. <Has met one of the world record holders for the largest crème brûlée. His record has since been supplanted by larger crème brûlées, but I consider it an acheivement still. The guy said he had to borrow flamethrowers from the local armory to caramelize it. That's probably bull, but it's something I'll probably end up doing myself at some time in my life. V What world records do you hold? Besides Metallica-listening-to.

^ Fun if the person who gets them doesn't mind my being crude. < I have a real problem with addressing people I don't know very well, especially when they expect me to treat them as if they were my left arm. Not that I'm horrible to anybody, but my sense of humour doesn't always fly with everybody. Kids, don't open those Christmas cards this year. V Your favorite piece of coinage? Mine is some piece that I used to have from the Netherlands. I forget what it amounted to, but it was bronze in colour and helluva thick. Next down is the good ol' nickel.

^ Canned tuna. < Had another dream about driving last night. Weird. v What is the most unique use of CLR (Calcium/Lime/Rust remover) you have ever heard of?

Arr, t'be "Waking Life". I think I be seein' that on IFC not too long ago. Th'guy floated away at th'end or somethin'. T'was pretty trippy, mateys. Arr, let's see ye louts get thissun. "You have penetrated me." Arr, I know that be soundin' kinda nasty, so 'ere be anudder one from th'same movie: "I am Lazarus, come from the dead. Do you know the next line? It's T.S. Eliot."

Arr, Cap'tain Tall Mike Bismuth van der Bulge be wakin' up at mid day, navigatin' t'th'kitchen, openin' up that 'frigerator, an' be seein' that foil thar. Well, I can'ts be seein' it, but I be pretty darn shore it be thar! I could 'ear it. Anyhoo, Captain Tall Mike Bismuth van der Bulge be sayin', "Oh, goody, what be in thar aluminum foil?," knowin' perfectly well that it be a albatross, but hopin' that it be leftovar bear. Or rum. Rum's good. Arr!

Guilty as charged, matey. ...Guilty again. Guess it be th'yard arm fer me, eh? Arr, I do believe that ye can be seein' th'shadow o' a 'elicopter on th'water at th'beginnin' o' th'first episode o' Shogun. Still one o' th'greatest eight hours o' television made, ne'erth'less. Not that I can be seein' it. It sounds really good, though. Arr, be ye brigands talkin' 'bout men in lacy drawers? I be tryin' that once (okay, more than once), an' let me be tellin' ye: th'pegs legs kinda ruin th'whole thynge.