flintlock jack

Don't remind me. Luckily, some businesses are adding a seperate 'diaper changing only' restroom. These are the tymes that try my soul....

CAt burgler

My sympathies, Jill! Starting to see more of what were called back in Florida 'Draught Houses' here in the Dallas area. Basically, older movie theaters or playhouses converted into cramped dinner theaters. Great idea when applied properly. 'Applied' being operative here. I loved going to those back home, they were always a blast, but the latest models aren't quite so enjoyable. Welcome to the city 101, and forget about watching a film in any state of comfort. Submitted for your disapproval: Yuppies on cells, machos chatting up bleach-streaked bra-stuffed daddy's girl for all to hear, kids who need a nap, fat-cat o'beasties wedging their way through the maze of ill-placed tables toppling pitchers mugs and conversations, lag reel changes and lotsa smoke coming from the projector, I said speak english please, does he realize plucking his eyebrows makes him look like Mr Spock?, who does your hair Briggs & Stratton?, what is wrong with that girl's butt?, the constant roll of garbled static, one table over citiot involved in loud after work 'business call' topic ranging randomly from what the receptionist was wearing today and how I'd like to bend that over to golf tee-off to what the golf cart beer girl was barely wearing last time out and man I'd like to do her to Country Club dues to what the waitress is wearing and wondering what her special skills are to lying to the wife about where he is to what's the story on banging the new girl at work to damn that's the wife calling again to you should see this waitress serving me now it must be cold in here ha ha yeah I could warm her up to when my old man finally retires and I take over the business to damn why can't my wife stop calling me when I'm trying to relax and actually enjoy myself for a change to hey waiter I'd like to buy the next round for that table of college girls over there give them my card, midget warm 3/4 pitchers, I think the projectionist rolls his own, crunchy greasy finger foods, over priced mini menus(how much for a miniscule plop of nachos?), sit down in front you're a lousy window, I'd like to speak to the manager if he speaks english, nobody move I think I've just lost my patience, buy a mirror or teach yo mama how to dress you, if the guy behind me burps out loud again he's going to remember me for a veerrrryyy long time, has the waiter forgot about us or did he get lost?, why are they showing prevues of this season's TV shows?, isn't that our waiter over there loudly chatting up that bird with the black lipstick and flab hanging over her hiphuggers?, why does that guy over there have a zipper on the back of his pants too?, hey who's the cranial giant that dropped their lit cig in the trash can?, you don't actually think anyone believes bright carnation is your natural hair color do you?, if you spoke english you wouldn't have a problem taking my order there Paco, speak up I'm having a problem acknowledging you though I can say with surety that may not improve my impression of you at this moment, did they even bother cleaning this table?, is there a reason besides deafness ignorance or rudeness that you're talking over everyone else in the building?, I hate to break this to you but they sell clothes in something other than black, hey baboon can you please chew and talk with your mouth closed?, bloodshot eyed baggy pant holey boxer geri curl sneakers oversize tanktop grillmouth urban players spitting brainless braggadochia into a pre-pay cell, drunk oil-haired smartasses dressed the same izod way flapping off what the hell is she doing with that guy? I'm such a stud that's why I'm out with my frat bros every night, why are you wearing socks with your sandals?, isn't there a law about showing your stretch marks in public?, oh yes chartreuse and violet are definately your colors, you're on medication aren't you?, what the fekk is that stuck to my flip flops?, is that your real personality or is that something you're just knocking about?, please stuff your suede mauve bra straps back under your yellow chiffon shirt, turn your fekkin cell phone off!, you mean to tell me people actually buy shiny purple lingerie?, is that girl on the floor dead?, where the hell is our waiter?, at what point do you decide on black lipstick?, why is that elephant over there wearing a sheer shirt with no bra?, no I said a pitch of Michelob not Shiner in a bottle, where the hell are you from and why are you here?, is this what I ordered it didn't look like this in the picture, what's that smell?, I bet the carpet doesn't match the drapes on Little Miss Greenhair over there, please change your diet I can smell you all the way over here every time the ceiling fan wobbles the right way, where's the rest of my nachos?, who are all these people and what are they doing on my planet?, does the fire marshall know about this place?, how come my pitcher is only 3/4 full and dripping by the time it gets to me?, hey tatoo pull up your pants does your grandfather know you're wearing his boxers?, is purple really a good hair color?, do I have to actually ask for silverware and napkins?, is the guy over there with the woogity eye staring at me or you or them?, what the hell is this weird gray chunk with fuzz on it next to the ashtray?, did the guy over there with the tie and credit card next to his plate get the rest of my nachos?, are you sure these are nachos?, yes those shoes that are too small for your feet and the clothes that are also too small for you indeed do actually make you look fat very fat, aren't there places you can't quite reach with a washcloth?, remind me again why was it we came to this place?, did I just see that fuzzy gray chunk next to the ashtray move?, why don't you speak english and what is that piece of chrome stuck through your eyebrow?, shouldn't you be on medication?, what is that fekkin smell?, look just give this plop of overpriced alleged nachos to Mr Spock over there, bring me another pitch of MICHELOB and ask the manager if he wants to step outside, hey what the fekk are you looking at? EH? Etc, etc, etc. (insert exasperated sigh here). Ah well, you get the picture. I'm straight out on that. Take me far from the 'fadding' crowd if you will. I'll stay at home with my wife and watch a great period film, thank you, and leave all that noise to those who think it's worthwhile. I think I need a drink.

undefinate probability

A tip o' tha hat in welcome to ya',sir. Twas a grande event of meeting you at Port Washington,and I venture there shall be a string of merry meetings sure to come. Welcome to tha pub and yes, here there be pyrates(and smugglers,pickpockets,hawkers,wreckers,highwaymen,doxies and the usual coloured array of characters). Sleinte!

As my incredible wife lays sleeping after another futile week of city dearth and shite, l prop meseff up watching "Fury At Smugglers Bay", widescreen, on my porto player. Shot in the usual Hammer glory of style and visual, the viewer gets...pyrate turned wreckers,smugglers,a highwayman,and the incomparable Peter Cushing. Damn, it's good. Come on now! Pyrates are given. Smugglers and highwaymen? T'und'rin jaze! How kin ya go awrong? Every enthusiast should have this, along with either version of 'The Wicked Lady'(Margaret Lockwood as Lady Skelton, James Mason as Jerry Jackson), either version of 'Dr Syn'(MacGoohan as the scarecrow!), 'Jamaica Inn"(Charles Laughton is over the top), throw in 'A High Wind In Jamaica', 'Caribbean', 'Moonfleet'(a smuggling Stewart Granger), and 'Captain Pirate'(technicolor Louis Hayward) and yeev got a lot of the go! Got off track....... Ah yes, 'Fury At Smugglers Bay'..............................................................

A tip o' tha hat to all who made this festive venture a grande ol' tyme. Warms tha cockles of an Irish pyrate/highwayman/smuggler's 'eart it does. Do tell. Great company and cold libation, there's tha form, sez I, fer true fer true. A toast an' thensome ta Cap'n Sterling, our frequent(ahem)employer, an tha Archangel crewe(nudge wink),co-horts in our owling vocation. A tip an grin ta Lady Barbossa(yer welcome fer tha trek ta tha Irish pharmacy), and Merrydeath. Glad to finally meet ye both. Grande ye two are, true as true. Till our next merry meeting, all. Sleinte!

Beer is an easy drink for me. 'Casual' may be of adequate descript, as my temper(a problem at tymes when sober)is extensively subdued when I'm consuming beer. Good tyme charley in some ways, definately more relaxed, surely less analytical and suspicious. Rum, on the other hand, acts as a slight aphrodesiac. Hold on, my cell is ringing. It's the wife. "Yes, Baby, I'll be sure to stop on the way and get more rum." See what I mean?

vessel

A gracious obeisance an' perquisite o' brim to ya all, fer true fer true. Ta tha esteemed Cap'n Sterling; In thanks I solicit grand cess an' weal to ye an' the emeritus crew of the Archangel. A nod an' tip to ya Cheeks. I thank ye well an' true. Lilith; A nod, grin, an' a twinkled wink to ya' lass fer yer wishes. Dear Maeve; Irish thanks to ye, gerl. To ye Rats, me darl', Many thanks ta' ye, sirrah, fer true as true tha garrison has a twist an' dance fer me yet! Sez I, a fresh hoof an' stores has rendered me aloof of said subsidies. Tha merry life has a ruse of it's own, I find, an' tweak tha' Crown's nose I shall with relentless relish! Till our next merry meeting.... I tip me hat in thanks to ye all! Sleinte!

A grace of tip to ya all, lads an' lasses. Ta William Red Wake; A bucket of Irish cess to ye an yer lovely wyfe, who, in me recollect shares said celebrated day. Ta Rhumba, a dear to us all; Ye humble me with yer ever gracious wish and intent. And to ye, darlin' Maeve; Tis sweet episode ta share tha day with a fellow Irish soul. I thank an' allow yer boon an' personal tender. Thanks to ya', Mister Reid, fer yer thought is appreciated fer true.

I'm with you on the moving, we just did that this month ourselves. How did we accumalate so much shite over the years? Thunderin' jaze! A future piss sounds well and admirable. Like I always say: If I'm sober buy me a drink, if I'm drunk prop me up. I know Plano well. Well, I know Plano. Does this make you just a 'plano' pyrate. Sorry, couldn't stop meself. I can resist anything but temptation. Tough crowd. Look forward to meeting you, Cap'n S! Sleinte!

Rhumba, I'm sure I speak for any and all who have lurked the Pub for any length of tyme regarding your station of high regard. Our thoughts and sympathies are with you in your peril of health issues, and as Jill mentioned a better treatment or aid could be around a very near corner. May I add you are revered, cherished and appreciated here, and the Pub could be nothing but dimmer without your light of wit, humor and insight(Speaking of humor, what ever happened to the dancing bananas? I laugh every tyme I think of that). All gods' speed and tha best of cess to ya, lass. Fin up, dear! We all luv ya'!

Well, I sw'ahn! (those from the south may recognize this expression of exasperation,ie:Oh my! I swear!)

I have one of those clear 'snapshot moments' from when I was six or seven laying with my legs hanging over the couch arm reading an 'Ator' comic book and stopping just to watch the commercial with the 'pyrate in it'. Those went away, as best memory serves, by the late 70s. Don't remember ever seeing them past that. Some twisted political correctness going on there? I wonder. At least there was the 'Mad Jack' cartoon that was on Saturday morns for a while in the late 90s. Silly, but better than nothin'. I'm waiting for a 'what's in yer wallet' pyrate commercial.