Blackbead Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-Immanuel Kant was a real pissant Who was very rarely stable Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar Who could think you under the table David Hume could out consume Schopenhauer and Hegel And Wittgenstein was a beery swine Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya 'Bout the raising of the wrist Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed John Stuart Mill, of his own free will On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill Plato they say, could stick it away Half a crate of whiskey every day Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle Hobbes was fond of his dram And Rene' Descartes was a drunken fart 'I drink, therefore I am' Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed A lovely little thinker But a bugger when he's pissed!" "In the end, it's not the gold that sets our sails, 'Tis freedom and the promise of a better life That raises our black flags." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red-Handed Jill Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 (edited) Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour, That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned, A sun that is the source of all our power. The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see Are moving at a million miles a day In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour, Of the galaxy we call the 'Milky Way'. Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars. It's a hundred thousand light years side to side. It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick, But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide. We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point. We go 'round every two hundred million years, And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions In this amazing and expanding universe. The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding In all of the directions it can whizz As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know, Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is. So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure, How amazingly unlikely is your birth, And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space, 'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth. Edited January 15, 2009 by Red-Handed Jill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick Hand Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 "Can we have your liver then ?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Chaplain: Let us praise God. O Lord... Congregation: O Lord... Chaplain: ...Ooh, You are so big... Congregation: ...ooh, You are so big... Chaplain: ...So absolutely huge. Congregation: ...So absolutely huge. Chaplain: Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You. Congregation: Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You. Chaplain: Forgive us, O Lord, for this, our dreadful toadying, and... Congregation: And barefaced flattery. Chaplain: But You are so strong and, well, just so super. Congregation: Fantastic. Humphrey: Amen. Congregation: Amen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick Hand Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 So who wants to join my scheme of marching up and down the grounds? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silkie McDonough Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 (edited) After seeing this post of Cheeky's faux ermine (scroll up when you get there) all I can think of is... just guess... Dad: There are Jews in the world, there are Buddhists. There are Hindus and Mormons and then, There are those that follow Mohammud, BUT I've never been one of them. I'm a Roman Catholic, And have been since before I was born, And the one thing they say about Catholics Is they'll take you as soon as you're warm. You don't have to be a six footer, You don't have to have a great brain, You don't have to have any clothes on, You're a Catholic the moment Dad came. Because... Every sperm is sacred, Every sperm is great, If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate. Children: Every sperm is sacred, Every sperm is great, If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate. Child: Let the heathen spill theirs On the dusty ground, God shall make them pay for Each sperm that can't be found. Children: Every sperm is wanted, Every sperm is good, Every sperm is needed, In your neighborhood. Mum: Hindu, Taoist, Mormon, Spill theirs just anywhere, But God loves those who treat their Semen with more care. Men: Every sperm is sacred, Every sperm is great, Women: If a sperm is wasted, Children: God gets quite irate. Priest: Every sperm is wanted, Br. & Gr: Every sperm is good, Nannies: Every sperm is needed, Cardinal: In your neighborhood. Children: Every sperm is useful, Every sperm is fine, Funeral: God needs everybody's, Mourner1: Mine! Mourner2: And mine! Corpse: And mine! Nun: Let the Pagan spill theirs, O'er mountain, hill, and plain, Statues: God shall strike them down for Each sperm that's spilt in vain. Everyone: Every sperm is wanted, Every sperm is good, Every sperm is needed, In your neighborhood. Every sperm is sacred, Every sperm is great, If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate. Edited January 16, 2009 by Silkie McDonough Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red-Handed Jill Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep's bladders can be employed to prevent earthquakes?... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyTarr Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 She turned me into a newt. I got better. Git up of your asses, set up those glasses I'm drinking this place dry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick Hand Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Well..... we did do the nose.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawk the QM Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 (edited) Well..... we did do the nose.... and the hat... Edited January 16, 2009 by Thequartermaster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red-Handed Jill Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyTarr Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I'm being repressed, I'm being repressed. Violence inheritante in the system. Git up of your asses, set up those glasses I'm drinking this place dry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawk the QM Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 (edited) Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you! I mean, if I went around saying I was an Emperor because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, people would put me away! Edited January 16, 2009 by Thequartermaster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick Hand Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 It's only a model.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ransom Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It's a silly place. ...schooners, islands, and maroons and buccaneers and buried gold... You can do everything right, strictly according to procedure, on the ocean, and it'll still kill you. But if you're a good navigator, a least you'll know where you were when you died.......From The Ship Killer by Justin Scott. "Well, that's just maddeningly unhelpful."....Captain Jack Sparrow Found in the Ruins — Unique Jewelry Found in the Ruins — Personal Blog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick Hand Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 Go and change your armour...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Anne Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Black Anne Roberts From the great white north..looking for warmer climes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick Hand Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 "Hey... I didn't eat the salmon mousse......" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawk the QM Posted January 23, 2009 Author Share Posted January 23, 2009 Forget about the Russians, we did it for an advert for Tiger Brand Coffee. Tiger Brand Coffee is a real treat. Even tigers prefer a cup of it to real meat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Graydog Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 "I have a wevy good fwiend in Wome named Biggus Dickus!" Why am I sharing my opinion? Because I am a special snowflake who has an opinion of such import that it must be shared and because people really care what I think! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawk the QM Posted January 23, 2009 Author Share Posted January 23, 2009 He has a wife you know. Want to know what she's called? Incontinentia...... Incontientia Buttox. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick Hand Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 A tiger...In Africa ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silas thatcher Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 wish i could remember the wording about the instructions for the royal handgrenade !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady constance Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 wish i could remember the wording about the instructions for the royal handgrenade !!! i do believe my dear you are referring to the holy handgrenade...... bless this O Lord, thy holy handgrenade , and let it blow thine enemies into tiny bits......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silkie McDonough Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 A Reading from the Book of Armaments, Chapter 4, Verses 16 to 20: Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it." -- Monty Python, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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