Seeking wisdom of the ages

[JohnnyTarr]

I have been pondering about the past. The kind of ponderings that can only come from the emptiness of the open sea. I am wondering just how many times one can give away his heart. I have been having disturbing dreams that have been reminding me of someone of my past. I has gotten to the point of interfering with my present. What is one to do? I am seeking the wisdom of the ages. Any out there that is willing and able to help?

[Captain Jim]

From the wisdom of the aged: always give your heart one more time, until you don't have to anymore.

As for the past, that is all that it is. Memories, some good, some bad. Leave the bad ones behind and keep the good ones. And keep all of the stories that are well told over wine.

[Silkie McDonough]

There is ALWAYS more. Always.

[Mad Matt]

There are those who you can give your heart to. Sometimes, they'll give it back to you in complete disrepair. It may take only a little while to get back on your feet or it may take an inordinate amount of time.

Worse thing to do is to try and give it away before it's completely healed up again. Think of it as a physical problem. You can't walk on a bad knee until it's healed. Otherwise, you just aggravate the problem and it won't ever get better.

I agree with Captain Jim. Keep the good memories and use the bad ones to grow as a person. Even the bad ones can teach us lessons.....

[Red Cat Jenny]

You haven't stated whether the "current" relationship is budding or a longtime one? This makes a difference. I agree that if your heart is not healed you may need to carefully take time for giving it again.

Lest you wind up comparing, or trying to fit one person into anothers mold.

---------------------------

Or..if you are having a case of the "I wonder if they still think of me, or what if's" ....these are more difficult.

In a case of someone losing a love to another that the person leaving thought they would love more...it was very painful and incredibly destructive. But the person left behind let go, and the former love returned realizing they had made a great mistake. Still it is now an odd sort of reltaionship with many unspoken words. Better off that way. The person left behind loved the person leaving enough to take this chance knowing it would be the only way. The damage done and the time lost can't be counted.

If you are thinking of someone who left and they haven't returned, or you left and they haven't persued you at all, then I would recommend instead ..looking forward to what you would lose and the damage you would do to how many people before you took a chance.

There isn't a right or wrong answer anyone can give you, that choice is yours. But do look at it from both sides of the coin. There's no substitute for time, and your thoughts kept in yourself can't hurt anyone - so take time to think. Once you do you can't undo - Good luck either way

[Salty]

best advice....tread carefully and tread where ye mean to, take the good and teh bad both and see where teh path leads you

[Red-Handed Jill]

Hmmm.... it all depends, but I have my own experience with this kind of situation.

Back in the Dark Ages when I was eighteen, I became involved with a man whose present could never compete with the past. He kept regaling me and his friends with stories of his glory years in college and in his early twenties. I noticed how wistful he got when talking about them and how he always compared them favorably to his current life (and there was nothing to complain about in his current life.)

During the time he was proclaiming his love for me and talking about marriage in our future, his ex-girlfriend (who he had lived with in New York and who he pretty much took for granted when they were together) came out to visit. I didn't see him for a couple of weeks and at the end of it, he told me the story of those two weeks. She stayed at his house the whole time (and NOT in a guest bedroom) and he tried to get her to come back to him. She said no and after two weeks of him begging her to stay with him went back to New York. He didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with what he did and still proclaimed that he loved me and fully expected that we'd get married someday. It was at that point that he admitted to himself and me that he over-glorified the past and that was the primary reason his ex-girlfriend suddenly looked so good to him.

At any rate, I decided to make him part of my past. Wouldn't you know it, as soon as I did this, he couldn't live without me and it took me over a year to get him to stop pestering me. I had suddenly gained immeasureable value.

So, the moral of this long and windy story is to not let your past interfere with your present, particularly if your present has value. Ultimately, you're the only one who will be able to reconcile this situation, but think carefully about your motivation.

[Red Cat Jenny]

That's what my landlord (mentioned above) said. She went from feeling worthless and giving up on life completely, to a different understanding of her worth after. But she still struggles with the scars of it all which are all too real to her and she still has her bad days. Her situation made me look at the consequences of actions vs thoughts in a different way.

[Patrick Hand]

Is that anything like.....

If you love someone, set them free... IF they come back it was ment to be.... if they don't come back hunt them down.......

Well ........ maybe not

[Red Cat Jenny]

[DocF225]

Even the bad ones can teach us lessons.....

Especially the bad ones...

We here are all in some way or form students of history both literally and figuratively.

Yet history has a bad habit of distorting itself. The fog of time has the effect of covering up the bad times and leaving only the good ones.

It is the wise among us who remember the lessons taught us by the "mistakes" without the effects fo time clouding them. For those among us who fail to learn from history are indeed doomed to repeat it.

As for the original question, you can only truly "give" your heart once, in exchange you will receive the other's heart. Anything that happens before this exchange is a learning exercise. Each of those exercises strengthens the heart.

For each of us there is only one great love. Most of us don't find it the first time out. Those who do and manage to keep it are well and truly blessed. Those who find it and lose it are cursed to carry those scars because the "return" policy sucks.

[Patrick Hand]

For each of us there is only one great love.

Well.... that's myself..... If I can't love myself (no dirty joke about that...) but if I can't love myself, how can I love anyone else ?......

[Red Cat Jenny]

So,

Johnny Tarr...not t' pry, but more outta concern.. did any of our ramblings help ye?

[JohnnyTarr]

Looking at things another way allways helps. I guess it is just a case of what ifs. The wife and I have been argueing about a few things and I guess that it bothered my enough that it invaded my sleep. I have also been working 58 hrs a week on third shift. The lack of sleep their doesn't help things either. I am just glad that their are people out there that care enough to help a stranger. Thanks for the help.

[Red Cat Jenny]

Pull up a chair and well fill yer tankard anytime mate!

Red Cat

[Merrydeath]

remeber the song's words.. thank god for unanswered prayers.. the hour glass is glued to the table.. the grass is always greaner over the bone yard..

[Mad Matt]

Nothin' like havin' yer own little pyrate version of Oprah!

[Red Cat Jenny]

Aye.. Oprah wit an eyepatch!