10 signs you're watching a bad pirate movie

[jim hawkins]

Top Ten Signs You're Watching A Bad Pirate Movie

10. Stars Johnny Depp's half-brother Kenny Depp

9. Most of the action takes place at a Long John Silver's in Harrisburg

8. It's two hours of Blackbeard and Redbeard checking each other for ticks

7. Only piracy is the illegal distribution of Boz Scaggs concert bootlegs

6. The lead pirate's catchphrase: "Arrrrrrt Garfunkel!"

5. The only pillaging is the six dollars the theater charges for popcorn, am I right, ladies and gentlemen?

4. The parrot keeps saying, "This movie sucks"

3. Pirates stumble around because they wear two eyepatches

2. In climax, ship gets blown out of water by defective North Korean missile

1. Hero is incapacitated after getting his swash caught in his buckle

[Themarko]

11. The Treasure Map includes a hillshade background.

[Rumba Rue]

12. The ship has two outboard motors due to the fake sails.

[Capt Grey]

5. The only pillaging is the six dollars the theater charges for popcorn, am I right, ladies and gentlemen?

AMEN!

3. Pirates stumble around because they wear two eyepatches

That was in a Spongebob Squarepants episode. "Look! I'm Blindbeard the Pirate".

[Cap'n Pete Straw]

13. The only cutlasses in the movie are 1967 Oldsmobiles.

[Themarko]

14. The ghost ship is the fastest on the seas even though it's sails are so ripped into ghostly shreds that they couldn't hold a thimbleful of air. :)

[Cap'n Pete Straw]

15. Carrot Top is in it.

16. So is Paulie Shore.

17. And David Spade.

18. ...and it's directed by William Shatner.

[Cap'n Pete Straw]

19. The flintlocks all have red plastic safety plugs in their barrels.

[Red Dog]

20. Conflicts are resolved with a round table disscusion over a nice cup of "Earl Grey".

[Jacky Tar]

21) The movie is shot in Los Angeles, and the subtitles are in English.

[Ransom]

22. The women's costumes make them all look like Miss Kitty from Gunsmoke.

[Captain Bob]

23. The women's costumes make them all look like Festus from Gunsmoke.

[lady snow]

24. the pyrate flag bears a smiley face

[Hester]

25. It stars Jessica Alba in a thong:

http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/intotheblue/site/

[Red Dog]

26) All the pirates are using the new and improved 27 shot flintlock pistol.

27) a pirate falls into the big blue wet thing and comes up firing his pistol

28) The pirate sloop has a reverse gear

[Hester]

29) It's directed by Joon:

[Ransom]

When the ships tack to starboard or larboard, you hear the sound of screeching brakes.

[Red Dog]

the pirate Capt. refers to a sail on the horizion as " ooooh look a thingy over on the left"

[Red Cat Jenny]

1) The number of masts on the ship keep changing.

2) "Wasn't that island on the right side?..." "what island?"

3) The word barnacle is used waaay too much.

4) William Shatner is IN the movie.

5) The captain is wearing pleather boots.

6) The music from Spongebob would make a more believable soundtrack.

7) You swear the leading man shorted you for change at Long John Silvers last month.

9) Gilligan appears anywhere

[Bloody Bill Flint]

The Captain's name is something like "Blackheart"

[Red Cat Jenny]

Rush limbaugh appears as an extra

[Red Dog]

the ocean shots are all taken from land

during rough weather shots, the crew are thrown from port to starbord but none of them are heading the same direction

the hold of the ship is a well lit, dry, comfortable little area

[The Doctor]

All the female cast members look like they were dressed by "Frederick's of Hollywood."

Wait, I think I saw that one recently...

[Red Cat Jenny]

Despite the storm and the fighting, everyone stays remarkably clean

[Red Dog]

Mad_Jack Posted on Oct 13 2006, 12:48 PM

  All the female cast members look like they were dressed by "Frederick's of Hollywood." 

No Jack, the topic is " 10 signs you're watching a "BAD" pirate movie"

I'd buy the one yer talking about!!!!!