jim hawkins Posted September 8, 2006 Share Posted September 8, 2006 Top Ten Signs You're Watching A Bad Pirate Movie 10. Stars Johnny Depp's half-brother Kenny Depp 9. Most of the action takes place at a Long John Silver's in Harrisburg 8. It's two hours of Blackbeard and Redbeard checking each other for ticks 7. Only piracy is the illegal distribution of Boz Scaggs concert bootlegs 6. The lead pirate's catchphrase: "Arrrrrrt Garfunkel!" 5. The only pillaging is the six dollars the theater charges for popcorn, am I right, ladies and gentlemen? 4. The parrot keeps saying, "This movie sucks" 3. Pirates stumble around because they wear two eyepatches 2. In climax, ship gets blown out of water by defective North Korean missile 1. Hero is incapacitated after getting his swash caught in his buckle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Themarko Posted September 8, 2006 Share Posted September 8, 2006 11. The Treasure Map includes a hillshade background. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rumba Rue Posted September 8, 2006 Share Posted September 8, 2006 12. The ship has two outboard motors due to the fake sails. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capt Grey Posted September 8, 2006 Share Posted September 8, 2006 5. The only pillaging is the six dollars the theater charges for popcorn, am I right, ladies and gentlemen? AMEN! 3. Pirates stumble around because they wear two eyepatches That was in a Spongebob Squarepants episode. "Look! I'm Blindbeard the Pirate". Captain, we always knew you were a whoopsie. Rumors of my death are entirely premature. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cap'n Pete Straw Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 13. The only cutlasses in the movie are 1967 Oldsmobiles. "He's a Pirate dancer, He dances for money, Any old dollar will do... "He's a pirate dancer, His dances are funny... 'Cuz he's only got one shoe! Ahhrrr!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Themarko Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 14. The ghost ship is the fastest on the seas even though it's sails are so ripped into ghostly shreds that they couldn't hold a thimbleful of air. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cap'n Pete Straw Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 15. Carrot Top is in it. 16. So is Paulie Shore. 17. And David Spade. 18. ...and it's directed by William Shatner. "He's a Pirate dancer, He dances for money, Any old dollar will do... "He's a pirate dancer, His dances are funny... 'Cuz he's only got one shoe! Ahhrrr!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cap'n Pete Straw Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 19. The flintlocks all have red plastic safety plugs in their barrels. "He's a Pirate dancer, He dances for money, Any old dollar will do... "He's a pirate dancer, His dances are funny... 'Cuz he's only got one shoe! Ahhrrr!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Dog Posted September 13, 2006 Share Posted September 13, 2006 20. Conflicts are resolved with a round table disscusion over a nice cup of "Earl Grey". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacky Tar Posted September 13, 2006 Share Posted September 13, 2006 21) The movie is shot in Los Angeles, and the subtitles are in English. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ransom Posted September 13, 2006 Share Posted September 13, 2006 22. The women's costumes make them all look like Miss Kitty from Gunsmoke. ...schooners, islands, and maroons and buccaneers and buried gold... You can do everything right, strictly according to procedure, on the ocean, and it'll still kill you. But if you're a good navigator, a least you'll know where you were when you died.......From The Ship Killer by Justin Scott. "Well, that's just maddeningly unhelpful."....Captain Jack Sparrow Found in the Ruins — Unique Jewelry Found in the Ruins — Personal Blog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Bob Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 23. The women's costumes make them all look like Festus from Gunsmoke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady snow Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 24. the pyrate flag bears a smiley face ~snow with faith, trust and pixiedust, everything is possible if it be tourist season, why can't we shoot them? IWG #3057 - Local 9 emmf steel rose player - bella donna, 2005 improv cast member and dance instructor - fort tryon medieval festival lady neige - midsummer renaissance faire Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hester Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 25. It stars Jessica Alba in a thong: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/intotheblue/site/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Dog Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 26) All the pirates are using the new and improved 27 shot flintlock pistol. 27) a pirate falls into the big blue wet thing and comes up firing his pistol 28) The pirate sloop has a reverse gear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hester Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 29) It's directed by Joon: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ransom Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 When the ships tack to starboard or larboard, you hear the sound of screeching brakes. ...schooners, islands, and maroons and buccaneers and buried gold... You can do everything right, strictly according to procedure, on the ocean, and it'll still kill you. But if you're a good navigator, a least you'll know where you were when you died.......From The Ship Killer by Justin Scott. "Well, that's just maddeningly unhelpful."....Captain Jack Sparrow Found in the Ruins — Unique Jewelry Found in the Ruins — Personal Blog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Dog Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 the pirate Capt. refers to a sail on the horizion as " ooooh look a thingy over on the left" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Cat Jenny Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 1) The number of masts on the ship keep changing. 2) "Wasn't that island on the right side?..." "what island?" 3) The word barnacle is used waaay too much. 4) William Shatner is IN the movie. 5) The captain is wearing pleather boots. 6) The music from Spongebob would make a more believable soundtrack. 7) You swear the leading man shorted you for change at Long John Silvers last month. 9) Gilligan appears anywhere Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help.... Her reputation was her livelihood. I'm a pirate, love. By nature and by choice! My inner voice sometimes has an accent! My wont? A delicious rip in time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloody Bill Flint Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 The Captain's name is something like "Blackheart" THIS CABIN-LAD'S GROWN HAGGARD, SO IN THE POT HE GOES AND FROM HIS SKIN WE'LL MAKE A LITTLE DRUM TO BEAT AS WE FIRE HUMAN HEADS FROM CANNONS AT OUR FOES. AND SET THE SEAS ABLAZE WITH BURNING RUM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Cat Jenny Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 Rush limbaugh appears as an extra Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help.... Her reputation was her livelihood. I'm a pirate, love. By nature and by choice! My inner voice sometimes has an accent! My wont? A delicious rip in time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Dog Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 the ocean shots are all taken from land during rough weather shots, the crew are thrown from port to starbord but none of them are heading the same direction the hold of the ship is a well lit, dry, comfortable little area Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Doctor Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 All the female cast members look like they were dressed by "Frederick's of Hollywood." Wait, I think I saw that one recently... Yo ho ho! Or does nobody actually say that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Cat Jenny Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 Despite the storm and the fighting, everyone stays remarkably clean Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help.... Her reputation was her livelihood. I'm a pirate, love. By nature and by choice! My inner voice sometimes has an accent! My wont? A delicious rip in time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Dog Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Mad_Jack Posted on Oct 13 2006, 12:48 PM All the female cast members look like they were dressed by "Frederick's of Hollywood." No Jack, the topic is " 10 signs you're watching a "BAD" pirate movie" I'd buy the one yer talking about!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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