Life Cycle of a Pub Member

[PyratePhil]

Musing on the stages one goes through in a forum, especially this forum and probably not representative of everyone, but I would dare say a good majority.

Post counts may be statistically skewed by long- and short-timers (ie - the "MerryDeath" 's and "Capt. Wal-Mart's Cheaper Brother" 's ), but see if you agree with the basics.

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0-10 posts:

-Subject discovers Pub through a banner ad or annoying Flash-generated "Click Me" box on another site; enters Pyracy.com portal; clicks on "Forum".

-Browses posts; senses this is something new and exciting; registers for free, after taking 45 minutes coming up with a nifty name

-Usually posts a "HI IM NEW HEER TOO" intro; begins investigating the Pub with wide-eyed wonder and anticipation; tentatively posts one or two small posts, just to "test the waters"

-Is greeted lovingly and enthusiastically by a small group of unofficial "greeters of the Pub", much like at Wal-Mart- but with more sincerity

11-49 posts:

-Subject is feeling a bit more secure now; ventures into yet more new areas; discovers one or two that are especially appealing; posts new topics without checking history of threads or even looking at the last few weeks worth; one member ("Correctius Immedius") will usually point out this fact.

-Is enjoying their time here immensely; begins (or continues) to use "pyrate speak" in real life; posts a few more questions for the members, some of which are answered helpfully - others (ie -"Pyrate Phil" 's) responses are inane and nonhelpful.

50-149 posts:

-Subject orders a "P" pin; begins to forge friendships and alliances with several Pub members; decides they don't like Topic A or Topic B; posts first opinion piece

-Still raves about the Pub to any real-world friends / co-workers that will listen.

150-499 posts:

-Subject is now a "known" member, for good or for bad; quirks and prejudices have been revealed in posts by now; has several solid friends, one or two "enemies".

-Is totally into the ranking system at this time, drawing up Excel spreadsheets to chart their progress in color bar graphs vs. time.

-Still misses / is late for dinner because of reading / writing posts.

-If subject has boyfriend/girlfriend, they are beginning to be jealous of the Pub. If subject has husband/wife, they add it up as being just one more stupid fixation that they'll soon get over.

500-999 posts:

-Subject is firmly entrenched in the Pub lifestyle by now; is chatting/emailing/calling Pub friends; is planning on participating in first real-life gathering of Pub members if live neraby (ie - within 1,000 miles).

-Postings have slowed a bit; only reads select categories now; has posted several rants on one or two topics; has been pissed off at one or two members.

-Husband/wife/bf/gf are increasingly tired of references to Pub (ie - "Hon, guess what Mad Matt said in "Way" today - you'll never believe it!!!")

1000 posts:

-Known in the forum community as "the make-or-break-point", subject will now either stay with the forum forever, or go out in a blaze of glory.

-If staying, subject will become depressed and moody if they lose cable Net service for more than 20 minutes; if leaving soon, subject will just pop open another beer and catch Letterman.

1001 - 2499 posts:

-Subject has obviously decided to stay; posting continuously; not eating or sleeping properly; has quit job and grown a beard - even the female subjects.

-Hubby/wife has filed for divorce; bf/gf has switched to an alternative lifestyle; dog/cat has urinated on subjects leg

-Subject has repainted house/apartment in black/brown/tan color scheme, to mirror Pub layout; in last few real-world interactions with people, has increasingly used the phrase "Ell-Oh-Ell", instead of actually laughing.

2500 - 4999 posts:

-Subject begins to feel uncomfortable in Pub, for no clear reason; begins logging in anonymously; begins making snide and rude remarks to newcomers.

-Subject discovers need to produce small amount of income in real world, since elctric and water are usually not provided free of charge. Gets part-time job at nearby Wa-Wa / 7-11 / Gas-and-Go.

-Subject actually (shudder) considers wisdom of staying/leaving Pub.

5000 - 9999 posts:

-Subject is no longer capable of locomotion unaided; moves laptop to bed, next to bottle of sour milk, warm Pepsi and stale Ding-Dongs; has lost all touch with reality.

-Has hallucinations of RumbaRue coming in their front door and moderating them.

-Has stopped emailing/calling friends, since anything they now write/say is gibberish.

-All utilities have been shut off; subject goes to local truck-stop in bathrobe to recharge laptop; dog/cat has left them; small children fear them.

10000 - 19999 posts:

-Subject has posted their intention of leaving the Pub in several threads; constantly insults newcomers; fights with moderators; posts babbling, long-winded threads on inane topics. (!)

-Subject's family has listed them as "Missing - Presumed Dead"

-Subject cries a lot

20000 - 24999 posts:

-Subject now posts only one-word replies to all threads

-Personal hygiene non-existent

25,000th Post

-Although mathematicians have analyzed this over and over, it is still a mystery - at the 25,000 post, as soon as the "Enter/Return" button is hit to log the post, Subject disappears in a spectacular ball of fire, leaving only soiled bedclothing and a sooty laptop.

Afterword

-EMS worker who attended the tragedy of the Subject's flame-out looks at the laptop, notices "Pyracy Pub" header.

-Goes home after shift; logs into Pyracy Pub; registers and posts "HI IM NEEW HEER"...

[Merrydeath]

Christine still has more posts then me.. so no problem there. NIce to see you online again.

[PyratePhil]

Thought you were still the Leader - sorry. Yeah, I'm here for a while, anyway.

[Christine]

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, my goodness, that is just too funny! Even tho I still have my sanity, still go to work, make money, pay bills and still see friends and family this list still cracks me up!

[PyratePhil]

Just do me a favor, alright, luv?

Stop at 24,999...

[Silkie McDonough]

Subject begins to reads Phil's latest post: Laughs at the accuracy of her/his life at the pub in comparison. Make mental notes of how she/he differs from the prototype.

Subject reads a bit further: Checks ranking list.

Continues to read Phil's post: Checks her/his ranking. Notes where in the study she/he falls.

Finishes with Phil's post: Checks Phil's ranking.

Reads the two ...count em TWO additional posts from those ranked "Notorious Pyrate" and although having questioned their sanity from time to time considers them friendly and entertaining.

Subject determines that since her/his bf/gf hasn't left yet it is safe to continue. Weighs the options of which should be the priority ...after all she/he was in the pub before meting bf/gf!

Thanks Phil, it is nice to have a measure to go by! :)

[PyratePhil]

Thanks Phil, it is nice to have a measure to go by! :)

My pleasure, m'lady.

Actually, you don't have it too bad - 967 is cool! Just be careful when you hit 1,000 - I may have forgotten some physical and mental problems that occur at that point...

Me? I have to catch up on my being rude to noobs.

[Rumba Rue]

ROTFLMAF!!!!!

-Has hallucinations of RumbaRue coming in their front door and moderating them.

Am I that bad?

[Capt Grey]

ROTFLMPAO!

Oh that was great, Phil. Thanks for the laugh, it made my day.

[Rogue Mermaid]

Damn, I've got to stop posting before I grow a beard......

[PyratePhil]

Am I that bad?

No, of course not dear. It's just that when the word "moderator" comes to mind, I know there are others, but it's YOU I think of.

We'll always have Paris...

Oh that was great, Phil. Thanks for the laugh, it made my day.

Thank you, m'lady. Your laughter is like manna for my ears.

Damn, I've got to stop posting before I grow a beard.....

LOL! If you don't, for whatever reason, check the Sunday paper ads - they usually run a sale on razors at a few places... :)

[Kendra The Sea Maid]

It made me, laugh, cry and everything in between! Also I realized I don't have a pin!

[The Doctor]

ROTFLMAF!!!!!

-Has hallucinations of RumbaRue coming in their front door and moderating them.

Am I that bad?

Only in the most happily erotic way, love...

[Silkie McDonough]

I have no desire to buy a pin so I should be okay hu? That should hult the process, right?

...do I need a pin?

[The Doctor]

I've never bought a pin, but I am a hopeless addict.

"Hello, my name is Jack. I've been a Pub junkie for longer than I can remember..."

[PyratePhil]

Sorry, folks, but the most recent scientific investigations have pointed out that without a Pub pin, you're only half of a Pub member.

...which half, I'll leave to your abundant imaginations...

"WELCOME, JACK!"

[Rumba Rue]

Am I that bad?

No, of course not dear. It's just that when the word "moderator" comes to mind, I know there are others, but it's YOU I think of.

[Christine]

I don't have a pin either, I guess I'm only half a pub member too.....

[PyratePhil]

...but such a lovely 'alf ye be, lass...

[Silkie McDonough]

Sorry, folks, but the most recent scientific investigations have pointed out that without a Pub pin, you're only half of a Pub member.

Does that mean that you will never suffer the symptoms listed in the study at all, the symptoms will be half as bad or that you have twice as long to get there?

[PyratePhil]

Yes.

[lady snow]

well, i do have a pin - i got it from you pphil!

going to faire anytime soon ? opens this weeknd. can't wait to see you and ant again. empty hats won't be there this weeknd, being they are still i sterling. they'll be back next weekend. tell anticus and mad mike i said 'hi!'

[Captain Jacob Badger]

whats a ding dong?

Nicework...informative....and very disturbin' at the same time.....ell-oh-ell

[The Doctor]

I'm only half an addict! Cool!

"H l o, I m J c , a d I m a P b j n i ."

[Hester]

My mom called today to ask if I was okay ... cause she hadn't heard from me in awhile.

H.