A soft core Porno entitled "Pirates"

[Hester]

Well, I did indeed order a copy from Amazon in a plain brown wrapper (together with a DVD of Pirates of Penzance!).

I finally got around to watching it last night. As mentioned, this "R" version was heavily edited, and all the actual porn had been deleted. Indeed, I think there was really more explicit stuff in Yellowbeard. In fact, I've seen hotter sex on afternoon soap operas (and way hotter stuff on late-night satellite).

The problem once the "distracting" bits are edited out, is that all you're left with is plot (weak), special effects (cheesy), and DIALOGUE! Goddess grace there was a lot of talk in this thing -- poorly written dialogue (including "poetry"!) delivered in flat, wooden tones by skanky porn stars. Yikes!

The one saving grace was the Pirate Hunter captain, who delivered all his lines in an over-the-top, mock hero tone, like a parody of Errol Flynn or Dudley Do-Right. He seemed to be having great fun with the role, and was the only one who really got into the spirit of the thing.

Cheers, Hester

[Bilgemunky]

Isn't that just "Conquest" only re-named ?

Nope - different movie altogether. And much more entertaining than Conquest was, I think.

A question~ any lesbionic scenes?

Several, but in the edited R version, you'll hardly notice

The problem once the "distracting" bits are edited out, is that all you're left with is plot (weak), special effects (cheesy), and DIALOGUE! Goddess grace there was a lot of talk in this thing -- poorly written dialogue (including "poetry"!) delivered in flat, wooden tones by skanky porn stars. Yikes!

While I can't outright disagree with any of this, I still found it very fun. But then, I enjoy cheese factor. Dead-on about the pirate hunter, though. He was great!

Digital Playground kindly sent me a review copy. You can see my full thoughts at Bilgemunky.com. I'm quite a bit more forgiving than Hester regarding the plot and dialogue, but as I said, I'm a sucker for cheesy fun

[TabithaAnne]

All I can say is I LOVE EVAN! He a kick in the pants. Yes, he's the pirate hunter....he comes out to Ojai faire every so often in his spandex pants. Yes spandex. Kinda like that Disney Pirate photo that's floating around the internet. When I met him his personality was EXACTLY like the guy in the film. I really don't think there's any acting there. Of course he is in porn so there really is no acting skills required.

[captjacksparrowsavvvy]

I was under the impression that this movie is hardcore.

Perhaps this is a guy's idea of softcore? I do have a difficult time with women that are in the porn movie industry. There is enough debasing of women in the world today and I don't support this field. But to each their own and it's not my business what you enjoy for entertainment.

[Rumba Rue]

Well as it turns out, there just happen to be an Adult Bookstore etc. right across the street from where we were staying in Las Vegas. So we went over, and ended up buying the true X-RATED DVD.

Haven't watched it yet, but when I do, I'll give my take on it.

[Kenneth]

Please don't think bad of me! I was only in the movie for 2 scenes....I needed the money to buy hat blanks and leather! I'm sorry.

[JohnnyTarr]

Please don't think bad of me! I was only in the movie for 2 scenes....I needed the money to buy hat blanks and leather! I'm sorry.

I'll only think bad if you didn't perform well. So how was it? Interesting, boring, comical, do again in a heartbeat or never again?

[Rumba Rue]

Please don't think bad of me! I was only in the movie for 2 scenes....I needed the money to buy hat blanks and leather! I'm sorry.

Where are you in the movie so I can look for you?

[Kenneth]

I be the one with the huge mast and oversized rigging!

[Rumba Rue]

Uh, would you care to elaborate a bit more?

[Black Hearted Pearl]

I be the one with the huge mast and oversized rigging!

Sir, I do believe your are exaggerating. For I remember seeing you and your mast was not huge, modest I would say and your rigging, well, let's just say "no reefing needed".

[Lady Alyx]

Oh my just caught this post. I bought the XXX one last year because the poster in the Adult store was so alluring, yes I was a sucker to pay $69.00. (I go there to buy hosiery...yes hosiery). Well me and b/f started to watch it and I had to stop it when the pyrates are standing around...yes Piratesse there are girl on girl scene's...a girl on girl scene...not because of the girls...but the pirates standing around watching saying arrrrhh its good to be a pirate..arrrrrh...that was well too much for me....! We still need to watch the movie again and watch it to the end.

A couple of weeks ago while in Blockbuster I did see that and told my b/f he said noooo can't be. Next time I went it I looked at the video and yes it was the same, but from the accounts I am reading here it is an R version. After we watch the XXX one I will rent the R to see the dif...

[TheBlackFox]

Thar be a full review of the XXX version of Pirates! in the Winter's Pyrates Way (in stores and available at the end of Feb.). . . and we'll be putting a full story together for the sequel coming out in the summer. Yes, it's porn. Yes, it's Shatner-over-the-top-bad-acting. . .but that's what Pirate movies are about. . . . I say look at typical pirate movie characters. . .

Long John Silver = over the top pirate that is the cause for a lot of the Arrghs, and Mateys of our pirate lingo today (blame 1950s Disney)

Jack Sparrow = over the top pirate acting like Keith Richards on Steroids. . . (Disney again)

Dread Pyrate Roberts = over the top pirate acting (even when dead most of the day)

Over-acting pirates is part of the gig m'thinks as most of those characters are expected to be characters that are remarkable and unforgettable.

Now add the porn of beautiful women who give themselves to pirates and add some rum, candles, a creaking ship hull and some hammocks. . .hell, that IS piracy, mates! I say this run of Pirate movies should outlast anything that "the mouse" is involved with!

Even better, not one of the pirates in the porn movies use the word "Savvy" which is a respected Apache/Indian word of the Roy Rogers, Long Ranger, F-Troop, and Gunsmoke eras. . . . I mean really. . . pirates using "savvy" as a word is as historically ridiculous as a Renaissance Tudor eating a fresh-smoked New World Turkey Leg. (No turkeys in Europe)

Porn, Pyrates, Raunch, Rum. . . there's a reason they follow each other in the dictionary, m'thinks.

. . . oh, and this opinion is all in fun. . .please no flaming. . . . eeeesh. . .

[Hester]

Savvy" which is a respected Apache/Indian word of the Roy Rogers, Long Ranger, F-Troop, and Gunsmoke eras. . . . I mean really. . . pirates using "savvy" as a word is as historically ridiculous as a Renaissance Tudor eating a fresh-smoked New World Turkey Leg. (No turkeys in Europe)

According to this well-researched food history site, turkeys had made their way to Europe via trade routes during the early 16th century, and were a popular banquet food in England as early as 1541 (i.e. during the reign of Henry VIII):

http://www.foodtimeline.org/foodmeats.html#turkey

And "savvy" comes not from the Apache language or the wild west of Gunsmoke, but from the Spanish/Portuguese word "saber", meaning "to know", which was corrupted into "savvy" in English via maritime pidgin languages developed for trading purposes in the 17th century:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pidgin#Sabir

Cheers, Hester ... wondering how this got into a porn movie thread, instead of Captain Twill

[PirateSSe]

Thar be a full review of the XXX version of Pirates! in the Winter's Pyrates Way (in stores and available at the end of Feb.). . . and we'll be putting a full story together for the sequel coming out in the summer. Yes, it's porn. Yes, it's Shatner-over-the-top-bad-acting. . .but that's what Pirate movies are about. . . . I say look at typical pirate movie characters. . .

Long John Silver = over the top pirate that is the cause for a lot of the Arrghs, and Mateys of our pirate lingo today (blame 1950s Disney)

Jack Sparrow = over the top pirate acting like Keith Richards on Steroids. . . (Disney again)

Dread Pyrate Roberts = over the top pirate acting (even when dead most of the day)

Over-acting pirates is part of the gig m'thinks as most of those characters are expected to be characters that are remarkable and unforgettable.

Now add the porn of beautiful women who give themselves to pirates and add some rum, candles, a creaking ship hull and some hammocks. . .hell, that IS piracy, mates! I say this run of Pirate movies should outlast anything that "the mouse" is involved with!

Even better, not one of the pirates in the porn movies use the word "Savvy" which is a respected Apache/Indian word of the Roy Rogers, Long Ranger, F-Troop, and Gunsmoke eras. . . . I mean really. . . pirates using "savvy" as a word is as historically ridiculous as a Renaissance Tudor eating a fresh-smoked New World Turkey Leg. (No turkeys in Europe)

Porn, Pyrates, Raunch, Rum. . . there's a reason they follow each other in the dictionary, m'thinks.

. . . oh, and this opinion is all in fun. . .please no flaming. . . . eeeesh. . .

Nobody should flame you. Everyone has an opinion!!

I thought "savvy" came from the French word "savoir".

[PirateSSe]

I say this run of Pirate movies should outlast anything that "the mouse" is involved with!

That IS funny, and hopefully true!!

[Rogue Mermaid]

I just rented the R (ARRR?) rated version of this by accident. The one I picked up had the porno sticker on the front but turned out to be the edit.

But either way it was a really good laugh. I can't say I ever felt um...frisky...due to the film (it was edited) but I laughed outloud at the silliness of the whole thing over and over again.

[Lady Alyx]

I as well thought savvy was french! Going to go look that one up now...!

Still have to watch the XXX one all the way through! I should get it out for Valentine's day..eh!

borrowing of Fr. savez(-vous)? "do you know?"

taken from wiki

[Rumba Rue]

I FINALLY got to watch about half of the porno of "Pirates", the other day (hoping I can watch the rest this afternoon without interruption). In between the sex scenes, there is some pretty funny stuff, but I will not spend any more money on a second movie.

I'm sure the R version is probably actually better since most of the X scenes are gone and more of a storyline is present, providing you can find a storyline.

[Mary Diamond]

Storyline? STORYLINE? Awww, c'mon folks ~ you want storyline, buy a book! This is just entertainment ~

Yes, we saw it - X-rated if you please - and considering it was in the porn category, we thought it was quite good. Actually, I thought it was a sight better than some of the major B movies out there - have you seen some of that crap? At least this was funny, and not too bad on detail (considering).