Monterey Jack Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If any of ye happened t' miss this little gem on the Sci-Fi channel last night...... Yer Damn Lucky! Yeeeowwww; ye could hear this one suckin a mile away with yer doors n windows closed! Shot on a really low budget it all about the dread pirate Roger comin back from the dead to get revenge on the townspeople who stole his gold and cut off his head. His objective. 16 heads in a dead mans chest and the heads will speak and tell him where his treasure's buried. Pity they couldn't help him find a better agent. The soundtrack must've been provided by the director's nephew who someday dreamed of playing with AC DC or Black Sabbath...or better yet learning hopw to play guitar at all..... Cheesy effects, terrible makeup (ye can see the separation betwixt mask and face) and really bad acting all around. The best part: the pole dance in the strip club when the nude girl leaps onto his lap and says, "is that a belaying pin in yer pocket or are you just glad to see me?" Skip this one! Monterey Jack "yes I am a pirate 200 years too late, the cannons don't thunder, there's nothin to plunder, I'm an over-40 victim of fate, arrivin too late.........." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hrothgar Addams Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Just goes ta show ya-- Ye shoulda paid attention to Bilgemunky's advice in his review of this flick. http://www.bilgemunky.com/reviews/movies/j.../jollyroger.php I did an' after a few pints of Mojito, th' movie was then pretty good--not POTC or even Th Crimson Pirate, but pretty good! Never give up--Never surrender! Remember -- A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...BUT a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!" Live while yer alive--an' when yore dead be done with it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bilgemunky Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Thanks kindly Hrothgar! I just spent my evening watching Pirates of Treasure Island, which is by Asylum Studios - same as Jolly Roger. If Jolly Roger needed booze to be good, this one needs lots of booze. But where some bad movies are just bad, this one will make you squirt rum out of your nose. Ever wondered what Treasure Island would be like, but with more cleavage (as much as PG-13 allows), bad seamanship (check out that rigging, and since when did loading a cannon simply mean dropping a cannonball in the cannon? Ever heard of powder??), and - most importantly - ever wondered what Treasure Island would be like with giant maneating bugs? Who hasn't? Sheesh. It's weird. It's bad. It's a good excuse for rum, and LOTS of it. Yar. I AM BILGEMUNKY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hrothgar Addams Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 That can only mean one thing-- EDWARD D WOOD JR LIVES! Whats next? Plan 9 From Tortuga? Gonna have to get me th' industrial size Mojito Mix and a copy of that movie! Never give up--Never surrender! Remember -- A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...BUT a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!" Live while yer alive--an' when yore dead be done with it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bilgemunky Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Whats next? Plan 9 From Tortuga? The sheer imagery conjured by that phrase is the stuff that nightmares are made from. Splendid, frightening, groovy nightmares. I AM BILGEMUNKY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zath Chauvert Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Whats next? Plan 9 From Tortuga? The sheer imagery conjured by that phrase is the stuff that nightmares are made from. Splendid, frightening, groovy nightmares. I imagine a shot of a cardboard tallship being pulled through the water by a highly visible string. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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