MOMS!

[Kendra The Sea Maid]

Subject: Moms

Why God made moms" answers given by elementary school age children to the following questions ... Be sure to read the two short stories at the end!!!!

Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of string.

3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

; What ingredients are mothers made of?

1 God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men's bones Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?

1. We're related.

2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mom?

1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.

2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.

2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?

3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.

2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.

3. I guess Mom is, but only bec ause she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?

1. Moms work at work &work at home, &dads just go to work at work.

2 Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.

2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perf ect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.

2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.

3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.

THE MOMMY TEST

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.

"Why?" my daughter asked.

"Because it's been laying outside, you don't k now where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.

At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"

"Uh,"...I was thinking quickly,"All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy."

"Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart.

Happy Mother's Day !

[The Doctor]

Aye! 'Tis naught but truth, as truth would hold us spellbound to it's clarity. And Truth be but a beacon that draws us nigh unto it's true purpose; to light the path of Righteousness.

OK, so I really wasn't paying attention to that last part I wrote. And no, no, NO, NO, NO, I'm not mocking anyone's beliefs. I'm but a simple comedian, wanting nught but to extract laughter and perhaps a coin or two from those so entertained. :)

And yes, yes, Yes, YES, YES, YES!!, Kendra! You need to come back to the Pub. A large portion of our collective soul was lost when you left. Please, come back to us. That is, if you can forgive the ass that I've been. Yeah, it's a very public apology. And if I'm ostricized for it, so mote it be. :) I'm a big pyrate, and I can take it.

[Silkie McDonough]

Aye, motters er a blessin indeed! Me own mum passed on last year n'I kent help hope thet ifin she ken see all I'm doin thet she duzn't care any longer!

Thanks for everything Mom.

[Capt Grey]

Ah Kendra lassie, that be a splendid post. Thank'ee fer sharing.

[Kendra The Sea Maid]

Aye! 'Tis naught but truth, as truth would hold us spellbound to it's clarity. And Truth be but a beacon that draws us nigh unto it's true purpose; to light the path of Righteousness.

OK, so I really wasn't paying attention to that last part I wrote. And no, no, NO, NO, NO, I'm not mocking anyone's beliefs. I'm but a simple comedian, wanting nught but to extract laughter and perhaps a coin or two from those so entertained. :)

And yes, yes, Yes, YES, YES, YES!!, Kendra! You need to come back to the Pub. A large portion of our collective soul was lost when you left. Please, come back to us. That is, if you can forgive the ass that I've been. Yeah, it's a very public apology. And if I'm ostricized for it, so mote it be. :) I'm a big pyrate, and I can take it.

Your Forgiveness is accepted, Although that is not why I have not been around much! So now I will set the record straight, for those who it may concern. I am not spending too much time on the internet because:

1. It ties up my phone line, and my Mom needs to check her e-mails more often since our church moved into its new home.

2. My hip pain is still really bad, and I can't stay infront of my computer for very long, (On a positive note: I will be getting an estimate on a roll in shower. No more bubble baths Oh well at lest the pain won't be too bad.

3. I am working on my second novle St. Judas Key and ideas For the third Called Serina De La Mar

4. Hanging out with my friend Dottie two days aweek

5. PT at home one day a week

So basicly, (not to sound like a total snob) the biggest lesson I have learned is ther is more to my life than my computer, and I want to live the adventure,take chances and get messy! And yes find true love and friendship.

I love you all for your concern, and I am niether mad or angery at any one.

I do want to say I am sorry to Rummy for not PM-ing her back that was very rude of me love. I am sorry