Words to live life by.

[Pirate Petee]

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Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed.

Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery

and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they

might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to

myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come

true than to be selfish and worry about my liver."

- Jack Handy

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the

morning,that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

- Frank Sinatra

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his

fools.

-Ernest Hemingway

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

-Catherine Zandonella

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.

-Anonymous

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

-W.C. Fields

> > > What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

> > > - W.C.Fields

> > > When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

> > > - Henny Youngman

> > > Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all

of

> > > the time and have the time of your life.

> > > -Michelle Mastrolacasa

> > > I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

> > > - Tom Waits

> > > 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

> > > -Stephen Wright

> > > When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When

we fall

> > > asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So,

> > > let's all get drunk and go to heaven!

> > > - Brian O'Rourke

> > > Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol

has

> > > taken out of me.

-Winston Churchill

> > > Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

> > > -Benjamin Franklin

> > > Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is

> > > beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but

> the

> > > wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

> > > -Dave Barry

> > >

> > > The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

> > > -Humphrey Bogart

> > >

> > > Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

> > > -Kaiser Wilhelm

> > >

> > > All right, Brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's

> > just

> > > do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.

> > > - Homer Simpson

I might be drunk but you're ugly and I'll wake up sober in the morning.

- Winston Chuchill to awkward woman.

[Barbados Sam]

I'll drink ta that

[Durty Mick Moon]

More:

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.--George Burns

I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started.

-- Brendan Behan

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

-- Dean Martin

The difference between a drunk and a alcoholic is that a drunk doesn't have to attend all those meetings."

Arthur Lewis

An alcoholic is anyone you don't like who drinks more than you do."

Dylan Thomas

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

Henny Youngman

I drink to make other people interesting."

George Jean Nathan

I have made an important discovery…that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication.—Oscar Wilde

"The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober." William Butler Yeats

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools." Ernest Hemmingway

[Dread Mach Brannigan]

“Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.” - Frank Sinatra

“Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.”

- George Bernard Shaw

“The intermediate stage between socialism and capitalism is alcoholism”

- Norman Brenner

You can't be a Real Country unless you have a BEER and an airline -- it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER.

- Frank Zappa

"Alcohol may be the road to nowhere, but at least its the scenic route." :)

[Diego Santana de la Vega]

Beer! Making ugly people look good since 1347

[Barbados Sam]

"Beer.....the cause and solution to all of life's problems"

Homer Simpson

[Diego Santana de la Vega]

Beer breakfast of champions

[William Brand]

My makeup wasn't smeared, I wasn't disheveled, I behaved politely, and I never finished off a bottle, so how could I be alcoholic? - Betty Ford

[Merrydeath]

Guinness- cold barley soup, and the only beer you can chew.

on sex--and that is not a command.. yet.

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex

--Jack Handey Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live - NBC)

I haven't had sex in eight months. To be honest, I now prefer to go bowling.

--Lil' Kim

Older people exude bundles of sexuality. Older men, and women tend not run around like cats and dogs in heat.

--Jacqueline Bisset

Love is the word used to label the sexual excitement of the young, the habituation of the middle-aged, and the mutual dependence of the old.

--John Ciardi

I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know.

--Garry Shandling

Sex lies at the root of life, and we can never learn to reverence life until we know how to understand sex.

--Havelock Ellis

They have to convert our agenda into something aggressive. Two guys wanting to be happy together are invading their marriages. Helping a kid who's getting beaten up at school is promoting homosexuality. If you gave me a million dollars, I wouldn't know how to promote homosexuality. Do I hire Don King?

--Barney Frank U.S. Representative

Defense of Marriage? It's like the old V-8 commercial. As though if this act didn't pass, heterosexual men all over the country would say, [smacking head] 'I could have married a guy!'

--Barney Frank U.S. Representative

same-sex marriages. The name implies that the value of heterosexual marriages goes down once you let homosexuals into the institution There goes the neighborhood. I don't buy this realtor's view of relationships. Gay and lesbian couples who want to wed aren't trying to assail the grounds for marriage. They're trying to share them. If anything, they want to stabilize the gay community.

--Ellen Goodman Syndicated Boston Globe columnist

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts

--Jeff Foxworthy

Writing is a lot like sex. At first you do it because you like it. Then you find yourself doing it for a few close friends and people you like. But if you're any good at all...you end up doing it for money.

--Unknown

Everyone probably thinks that I'm a raving nymphomaniac, that I have an insatiable sexual appetite, when the truth is I'd rather read a book.

--Madonna (1958-) US singer, actress in Q Magazine (London), Jun 1991.

Surfing on the Internet is like sex; everyone boasts about doing more than they actually do. But in the case of the Internet, it's a lot more.

--Tom Fasulo

Love is a matter of Chemistry, but sex is a matter of Physics

--Unknown

The important thing in acting is to be able to laugh and cry. If I have to cry I think of my sex life. If I have to laugh, I think of my sex life

--Glenda Jackson

Sex is a flame which uncontrolled may scorch; properly guided, it will light the torch of eternity.

--Joseph Fetterman

In public school systems across the country, they're indoctrinating kids to be 'sexual' under the guise of protecting them, when you know that's not true. I think it is indoctrination for left-wing agendas.

--Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Name? Austin Danger Powers. Sex? Yes please!

--Austin Powers

Ann Landers said that you are addicted to sex if you have sex more than 3 times a day, and that you should seek professional help. I have news for Ann Landers: The only way I am going to get sex 3 times a day is if I seek professional help.

--Jay Leno

Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty. Chocolate isn't like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant. And it always feels good.

--Lora Brody, author of Growing Up on the Chocolate Diet

My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading.

--Steve Jobs, founder of Apple Computers

Sex is a body-contact sport. It is safe to watch but more fun to play.

--Thomas Szasz, M.D.

Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.

--Jackie Onassis

Sex is a discovery.

--Fannie Hurst

Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated.

--M. C. Reed

Sex is unclean, not because of the pleasure, but because of the suffering it brings.

--Theodore Roeszak

Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, you probably won't either.

--Unknown

Sex is a momentary itch, love never lets you go.

--Unknown

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

--Unknown

Sex is like snow, you never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last.

--Unknown

Sex is an emotion in motion.

--Mae West

Sex is nature's way of saying 'Hi!'.

--Unknown

Sex is the tabasco sauce which an adolescent national palate sprinkles on every course in the menu.

--Mary Day Winn

You know "that look" women get when they want sex?

Me neither.

--Steve Martin

Having sex is like playing bridge.

If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

--Woody Allen

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

--Rodney Dangerfield

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.

--Lynn Lavner

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

--Camille Paglia

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.

--Sharon Stone

Hockey is a sport for white men.

Basketball is a sport for black men.

Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

--Tiger Woods

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

--Jack Nicholson

Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.

--Barbara Bush

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

--Billy Crystal

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.

--Robert De Niro

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?

--Dustin Hoffman

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.

--Jerry Seinfeld

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.

--Rod Stewart

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

-- Robin Williams

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

--Swami X

Sex is the biggest nothing of all time.

--Andy Warhol

Sex is hardly ever just about sex.

--Shirley MacLaine

Sex is the ersatz or substitute religion of the 20th Century.

--Malcolm Muggeridge

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation - the other eight are unimportant.

--Henry Miller

[Diego Santana de la Vega]

Sex is a word we all live by! Well all but andy warhol anyway!

Thanks Merry quite a nice offering of thoughts on the only subject worth studying so early in ones day! Huzzah. Now Is there a line starting somewhere?

[Pew]

Fascinating.

Beer and sex . . . Who said they shouldn't go together . . .

[Pirate Petee]

I always thought it was more like a cause and effect.

[Rummy3]

I read a personals ad once by a married man looking for more lovers. sorry

Edited January 13, 2006 by Rummy3

[Pirate Petee]

Most likely insecurities on the female part. Sounds like he has a big empty hole inside that he is trying to fill up, but he is goin the wrong way about it. He should be drinkin. J/K

My opinion.

[Rummy3]

LOL - he was my boyfriend. sorry

Edited January 13, 2006 by Rummy3

[lady snow]

Sex is a word we all live by! Well all but andy warhol anyway!

but andy warhol is doing even less these dayys anyways.

[Bonnie Red Weasel]

Fascinating.

Beer and sex . . . Who said they shouldn't go together . . .

Upon buying a home with a lovely master bedroom with attached master bath (which had been sort of a dream of mine), I noted that the only things needed to complete the room were a mini-fridge and a beer tap built into the headboard.

I've since decided that I would like two taps - something crisp and hoppy for before, and another, dark and rich and lovely, for basking afterward...

[Patrick Hand]

a beer tap built into the headboard.

WOW.... NOW THATS MY KINDA WOMAN........

[Merrydeath]

Fascinating.

Beer and sex . . . Who said they shouldn't go together . . .

wasn't me..

BEER- helping ugly people have sex since 1750..

sounds good, Boonie, but I like my guinness warm. :) Grand idea tho..

[hitman]

Beer it's not only the reason I get up every afternoon but also the reason I bother to go to work

[greenighs]

The Buffalo Theory

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this ... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

--Cliff Claven, Cheers

[Pirate Petee]

I cant count how many times i've used that one.

[bailang]

I'll give an armen to dat.

[Coastie04]

I've no desire to hang around with a bunch of upper-class delinquents, do twenty minutes' work and then spend the rest of the day loafing about in Paris drinking gallons of champagne and having dozens of moist, pink, highly experienced French peasant girls galloping up and down my - hang on...

-Blackadder

I know from long experience all my men have the artistic talent of a cluster of colour-blind hedgehogs in a bag.

-Blackadder

If word gets out that I'm missing, 500 girls will kill themselves and I wouldn't want them on my conscience - not when they ought to be on my face!

-Flashheart

Something is always wrong, Balders. The fact that I am not a millionaire aristocrat with the sexual capacity of a rutting rhino is a constant niggle.

-Blackadder

Now I've got my lovely fire I'm happy as a Frenchman who's invented a pair of self-removing trousers.

-George

You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would. Your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly and the part of you that can't be mentioned, I am reliably informed by women around the Court, wouldn't be worth mentioning even if it could be.

-Blackadder (to Percy)

I know why you want to get out of it, because I remember the last time you had a party, I found you face down in a puddle wearing a pointy hat and singing a song about goblins.

-Queenie

A man may fight for many things. His country, his friends, his principles, the glistening tear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I'd mud-wrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock and a sack of French porn.

-Blackadder

She's got a tongue like an electric eel and she likes the taste of a man's tonsils.

-Flashheart

They do say, Mrs M, that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are, of course, wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork into your head.

-Blackadder

OK, I just watched all four seasons a while ago before getting underway for my latest trip.

Coastie

[Black Hearted Pearl]

I have regrets. If I didn't, it would mean I have learned nothing from my mistakes.

I forgive myself for my mistakes. Regret helps me to not make the same mistake twice.

~Myself