The Lady wore Jewels

[Hook]

Admiring her ring and such a locket,

My mind was to gettin' it, right in me pocket.

The good laird forbid I be gettin' caught,

For they would find all the booty and lot.

So as I eyed this wench and her shine,

As in sooth I wished it to be all mine.

It gleamed too well for her sweet chest,

And would suit asure my own fine vest.

- Hook

[PyratePhil]

But then Hook's attention

Went places unmentioned

If known be the truth

His new thoughts were uncouth

For in gazing at Wench's

Baubles on her chest,

His eyes alighted

On her womanly breast.

A thunderbolt clap

And a spear of quick lightnin'

Produced in the Hook

Some changes that were frightenin'

For now, instead of

Holding gems in his arms

He'd fallen real hard

For her womanly charms

They married at chapel

Their souls intertwined

And Hook, the poor lad,

He never seemed to mind

So Hook's days are numbered

No salt on his brow

He follows her orders

Like a tranquil cow

[Hook]

And then he awoke to such a fright,

A dream it were as black as night.

And looking on forward as in a trench,

'twas PyratePhill in tow with the wench!

Strange it seemed for one such as Phil,

To be held in hand and holded very stilll,

His cape and coat traded for a frilly nightshirt,

Ah poor Phil, on his face shows the hurt.

At one time his best t'were enough to fear,

But now he's heard to growl . . . "yes m'dear"

And follow behind the one I had robbed

Thus is PyratePhil so bent and knobbed.

[PyratePhil]

A duel, is it, m'lad? Well enough, then...

'Tis true, por' ol' Phil

Took a hag as a wife,

Thus fillin' his days

With such trouble and strife.

His nightshirt be frilly,

His hair in a snood,

And folks miles around

Learned to fear his foul mood.

But one shining moment

to this - he's now rich!

It seems that he married

An old-money *itch.

So now the demands

That are made on his groin

Are fair compensated

With bundles of coin.

Then, gazing one day

Whilst he read "Treasure Isle"

Came a sight to his eyes

To his mouth, a great smile

He jumped from his chair

And he dropped his old book

For who had he spied

But his ol' friend, The Hook!

Now Hook was in tatters

His visage was grim

His arms were so scrawny

His waist was so slim

He'd fallen on bad times

This much Phil could see

But Phil's only thought was

"Better him than me!"

The moral, me kiddies.

of this little tale

Will give you a rule

To follow, without fail:

"Be good to the Ladies

Then wed them and bed,

Else soon, just like Hook,

You'd be better off dead."

[Hook]

But to PyratePhil's certain surprise,

What should be born to his eyes.

The hook leaned and with head in hand,

Pulled hard the Hook mask fell to the sand.

T'was ne'er the Hook had been brought to sight,

But PyratePhil's old hand name of "Snee" afright.

You stranded the lot of us here ye are now,

To hold the hand of a rich *itch cow.

Oh to see what's come of that great powerful boss,

Holded so straight by one so frightfully cross.

To wear frills and be proud brings shame to me eyes,

For to be kept for jewels, gold and crown I cries.

I best be off to jibe with me pyrate keen brothers,

For now I see ye've had your coddled druthers.

Once gruff and proud to make your own way,

Now sittin' at table belly large and butt splayed.

Thar's loot to be had and wenches fer th' takin',

So I leave you por Phil to your table 'o bacon.

Our ship be at port and lined ready for cast,

I take my leave of Por Phil and his large repast.

Hook

[PyratePhil]

You must be a TV scriptwriter - dreams, masks, etc...anything to get out of trouble...

Poor ol' Phil was distraught

A real wreck in th' makin'

He sighed, then he resumed

Attackin' his bacon

Ol' Snee was a sight

He'd not likely to see

For Phil thought that Snee

Had been buried at sea

"The sea will claim Snee!"

They'd all proclaimed with glee,

Back then in the days

When the livin' was free

But Phil knew a secret

One too bold to tell

A secret, if told,

That'd admit one to Hell

See, Snee was a She

(As he'd readily agree)

And had his fun times

With a bosun or three

He'd dance 'round the cannons

He'd prance o'er the grates

He'd sneak up and pinch

All his manly-type mates

The men, as a group,

All laid plot against Snee

And planned an uprising -

Of him, to be free

But one voice had faltered

When votes went in book

The one lone dissenter -

None other than Hook

"He's meek, but he's friendly,

A harmless ol' poof,

He'll dance a fandango

For a fifth of vermouth"

But Hook was outnumbered

That day on the ship,

So later, poor Snee

O'er the gunwales did slip.

So chasing Snee off

From his doorway that night

Gave Phil a good feeling-

A feeling of right

"Ol' Snee was just grumpy

And jealous, to boot-

He'd never managed

To come into some loot

So here sit I, happy,

With bacon and book,

But still sometime wonder:

WHAT HAPPENED TO HOOK?

[Hook]

You must be a TV scriptwriter - dreams, masks, etc...anything to get out of trouble...

Yer mind be moving right fast yerself thar matey and slipped the gun twicet allready.

The Hook?

The Bosun blew call, piped to be passed,

Next came all hands, with Hook steadfast.

Launched and full laden for gettin' our share,

The Deathmark'd Serpent sailed 'out there'.

:)

[PyratePhil]

When the story of Hook did reach his ears

Old Phil broke down and flowed with tears

A life he'd had, he now had not

A married man's life was now his lot

Where once he'd fought with gusto grand

A leg of chicken now filled his hand

Exotic ports had been his life

Now he lay beached with commonlaw wife

The winds and storms he'd weathered long

The nights-turned-day, all spent in song

His mates and crew were now but ghosts

As he did dine with hoary hosts

The creak of timber, the flap of sail

The harsh noon sun, the freshing gale

Had been replaced at one fell swoop

His children now his only troop

And yet...he thought, when tears had dried,

At least I'm one who claims he tried

Much better than the land-locked fools

Who follow all society's rules

Yet briefly did I live the Life

Filled as it was with dreams and strife

My bed now cushioned, my needs attended,

No longer my life will be upended

Now those who say I've lost my edge,

That I have jumped off of the ledge,

Perhaps they're right, perhaps they're wrong,

Still I do know that I stay strong

A life that's balanced and full of joy

With just small things now to annoy

Reflections of the golden past

I've now found love that's sure to last.

...Burma Shave...

[Hook]

His wench put a bullet through his hat,

But he'shad closer shaves than that.

PyratePhil has it all and a bag of chips,

So what if'n his rum he now sips.

His taste has enobled to a fine delight,

With arms as strong as his cleary sight.

Life so full that he has been fully blessed,

And a wife that is most times hardly dressed.

Here's to a man 'o who sources the word,

Into prose and humor that which I heard.

Enjoy this life and all that it brings,

Jewels indeed with clarity sings.

[PyratePhil]

And Hook - that knave!

That dashing rogue

May he be blessed

Wi' gals from Vogue

That jackanapes

of scurvy rhyme

Who cures his scurves

Wi'out a lime

That Master scribe

of rhythm and meter

(had he a wife,

he'd pr'bly beat her )

A verbal foe

of craft unmatched

His quip-marks

On my back, crosshatched

I've met my match

'Tis sad but true

Therefore I doffs

Me hat to you!

[Hook]

That Master scribe

of rhythm and meter

(had he a wife,

he'd pr'bly beat her  )

Match be met indeed. Well met fer shure!

[PyratePhil]

...and I think it be safe to be openin' this thread up to th' others now...

[Hook]

Totally agree with you mate. These be fine waters for sailing wordplay so the gangplank twer opened yesterday.

Bosun's piped "Call"....