GOAP TIMES

[Capt. Sterling]

William, this is ALL yer fault.

[Cheeky Actress]

'ello I have been sent here on behalf of my client, Barcelona Exotic Animal Rental. Hearafter referred to as "BEAR".

BEAR has gone to great lengths to collect said primate, as well as the outstanding bill. Numerous correspondences have gone unanswered, therefore requiring my services.

My sources have led me here, and I shall remain at the local inn for a period of (24) twenty four hours, should said primate appear along with at least 75% of said rental fee, and a small surcharge for my personal expenses, no questions will be asked and there will be no need to reveal the name of said rentor on BEAR's rental agreement.

Sir,

We have not paid the rental contract agreement for your monkey, as of this time, due to the numerous expenses, operating costs and damages cause by ‘The Monkey’ known here after as the “Instrument”. In the 48 hours that he was left in Captain William’s possession, the following items and incidences occurred:

1. Delft Coffee Set shattered and destroyed,

2. Drapes in Parlor in the South Wing heavily soiled with excrement

(and yes, it was confirmed that it was the Monkey’s. We’ve broken William

of that habit year’s ago,

3. One broken coffee table,

4. Large beaver hat destroyed…don’t ask how,

5. Eaten…one large lady’s straw hat…the monkey didn’t look

good in the damn thing! and

6. Numerous guests bitten, clawed at, and slapped

Do look upon page 82 of the Rental Contract Agreement and do note the following:

5. CONTINGENCIES. THE AGREEING PARTY (RENTERS) WILL HAVE THE RIGHT TO CLAIM DAMAGES AND/OR TERMINATE THIS AGREEMENT AS A RESULT OF THE “"INSTRUMENT’S (AKA MONKEY)" FAILURE TO PERFORM, EXECUTE AND/ OR LACK THE INABILITY TO BEHAVE ACCORDINGLY TO THE “INSTRUMENT’S” TRAINING AND INSTRUCTION IN PERFORMANCE DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND ITS REASONABLE CONTROL, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, WAR, RIOT, INSURRECTION, EPIDEMIC, ACTS OF GOD, OR GOVERNMENTAL ACTION NOT THE FAULT OF THE NON-PERFORMING PARTY.

I hope now that you can see why this contract is null and void. If you have any questions regarding this matter. Please contact our solicitor, Master Dewy C. Howe. St. Martin in the Fields, London

Edited January 22, 2009 by Cheeky Actress

[Capt. Sterling]

Glad I didn't sign anything....

[Cannibal Chrispy]

I am well aware of my clients contract and all clauses within as I have had well over one year to study it's contents. Perhaps it is not as clear on your "copy" as my original, on page 83 the initials of your representative, waving your rights in the event said monkey "which was rented for display purposes only, at a much cheaper rate that our performing monkeys" was released from the cage he was provided in! Not to mention the same initials on page 84 declining the optional insurance.

[Cheeky Actress]

Perhaps it is not as clear on your "copy" as my original...

Of course it's not clear on our copy....It's got Monkey Pooh all over it!

[Cannibal Chrispy]

Be that as it may, it does not release anyone from their contractual obligations.

[Cannibal Chrispy]

Very well then I am off, and taking with me the undecipherable map that was left as a deposit.