Pirate Limericks

[gunner Gordon]

There once was a pirate from St. Blas

whose bollocks were made out of brass

in foul or fair weather

he clanked them together

and sparks flew out of his ass !

[Capn Bob]

Rum's a wondrous drink, d'ye see...

And can be had for a minimal fee.

Ye guzzle it down,

Wi' never a frown,

And all the day ye say, Tee-hee!

Sorry, mates, it be the best I kin do at the moment...

hic!

[Blackbead]

This be an excellent thread! If we ever get enough, we'll have to take this on the road . . .

The Andrew survives on their grog,

I hear they keep it in the "head of a hog"!

But bumbo's the drink for me!

It keeps me happy while I be at sea,

And it don't taste like the piss of a dog!

Keep 'em coming!

[Bright]

The pirate had captured a wench,

quite youthful and pretty, and French,

he showed her his bed,

she shook her sweet head,

so he polished her off on the bench!

[Daniel]

The pirate had captured a wench,

quite youthful and pretty, and French,

he showed her his bed,

she shook her sweet head,

so he polished her off on the bench!

Polished her off? I've usually heard that phrase used in a less, um, friendly way. Good limerick, though!

Anyway, here's mine.

To the foretop climbed old Captain Nash

To search for a prize full of cash,

But the waves rocked the ship

Till he quite lost his grip

And alas, Captain Nash made a splash.

[Daniel]

Here's another:

When the crocodile called on James Hook,

The pirate those waters forsook.

With the croc down a peg

A white whale ate his leg.

And he said, “Why, I’m in the wrong book!”

[Bright]

A right twisted wench from Caprees-ed

Orgasmed each time that she sneez-ed

To the druggist she went

And laid down her last cent

Said, "A barrel of snuff, if you pleas-ed."

[madPete]

There once was a surgeon called Mission

Against all advice he went fish'n

He went on to the keys

away from the freeze

and was pressed just like he was wish'n

Beware of the bloke who may sink ye

in the pub he is quick with a winky

he'll take yer hat

and then chew the fat

by now you should know this is Stynky

Edited May 31, 2010 by madPete

[Admiral Kilo]

I can't seem to come up with anything right now, but as soon as I come up with something I'll post it.

[Blackbead]

There was a young lady named Banker,

Who slept while the ship lay at anchor,

She woke in dismay,

When she heard the mate say,

"Now hoist up the topsheet and spanker!"

Okay, it's an oldie but a goodie, written by someone else and it's not really piratey. But it is DARN good if you ask me!

[wendy]

There once was a pirate called Blackbeard

Whom everyone thought was quite wierd

Because his fourteen wives

Weren't terrified by knives -

It was his ticklish whiskers they feared!

[William Brand]

If you knew MadPete like we do...

There once was a sailor named Pete

Who would grin both in ease and defeat

It was somewhat beguiling

That he never stopped smiling

Even when his last rites were complete

[madPete]

If you knew MadPete like we do...

There once was a sailor named Pete

Who would grin both in ease and defeat

It was somewhat beguiling

That he never stopped smiling

Even when his last rites were complete

reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.

mP

;) ;) :D :D

[William Brand]

I was sorting through some old files and found some limericks I wrote on a pirate site I used to frequent before I found the Pub. Period terms can be most suggestive in or out of context.

He found a wench willing and able

to be tied up and had on the table,

but while tying the knot

he was put on the spot

by an uncertain groin in the cable.

(When the cable does not coil as it should it is said to have a 'groin'.)

When the coxswain went over the side

Catalina would not let it slide

It's a terrible pox

to lose a good cox

so she came hard about on the tide

[William Brand]

Their surgeon was no Joseph Lister

and could barely give aid to a blister

He was pressed into service

proved reluctant and nervous

except with a mercury clyster