Pirate Limericks

[Blackbead]

Some pirates have parrots for pets,

Some monkeys, others frisky fer-rets!

But as for me crew,

Only an elephant will do . . .

He's huge but he never forgets!

[Tomas Guerrero]

There once was a pirate from Tulass

Whose balls were made out of brass,

when he clanked them together

they played stormy weather

and sparks shot out of his arse.....

[Crows Nest Vintage]

There, on the horizon. A vessel. Is she a galleon? A man-o-war? A brigantine?

So soon she appears, no more than a stone’s throw, the devil take Ye

What’s this, a figurehead on her bow, upon polished rails white froth gleams ?

Moonlight strikes a bargain with the devil’s own miscreants

A jaded eye, glint on steel, a murmured oath, a parrot’s scream

[Blackbead]

There once was a pirate named Jane,

Who was only slightly insane,

Instead of treasures in her chest,

She liked to keep politician's heads there best . . .

Well, maybe she's not that hard to explain!

Edited November 3, 2008 by Blackbead

[Captain Jim]

To be spoken in Key West during PiP, ideally while enjoying a roaring fire and a flagon of rhum...

There once was a sailor from Kent

'Twas on the Accord that he went

To the cannon's great thunder

He'd pillage and plunder

'Till he wound up down here in a tent.

Edited November 3, 2008 by Captain Jim

[Captain Jim]

OK, I double posted so now I have to write another to fill the space. Here goes:

A great buxom wench went to sea

Her desire a Pyrate to be

And she searched East and West

For a great treasure chest

That she had one was quite plain to see.

A twofer:

A pyrate was sailing his sloop

Aloof and so proud on the poop

While so noble alone

So their legend has shown

Pyrates aren't so nice as a group.

Edited November 3, 2008 by Captain Jim

[theM.A.dDogge]

there was an olde pyrate named Dogge,

who often got lost in his grog,

all the big buxum wenches

would hide under benches,

for he would often have ate with the hogs.....

[Blackbead]

Well done, me hearties! Keep 'em coming!

[theM.A.dDogge]

there once was a crewe called Archangel,

who liked to work every angle,

be for profit or for King,

they'd take shiny things

from everyone, Devil or Angel

[Black Syren]

This is Great! Now if only I could write such..

[pyrateleather]

There once was a pirate from Nantucket...

Nevermind

[Blackbead]

Captain Hook sat alone pondering the sea

When he felt a stealthy hand upon his knee,

He reacted with quite a shock,

Fearing a certain clock-crock,

When he heard a little voice - "It's only Smee!"

"I'll wager me salmagundy against all the rest!

If ye ever taste it ye'll swear ye've been blessed:

Black olives and boiled eggs,

Wilted lettuce and frog's legs . . .,

But it's the rum dressing that makes it the best!"

[Blackbead]

There once was a pirate named Rick

Who had a hook instead of a . . .

You're right, never mind.

[Ransom]

There once was a pirate from Nantucket...

Nevermind

There once was a pirate from Nantucket

Who carried his grog in a bucket

He jumped ship in Fiji

To spend time with his sweetie

The Captain shrugged, "He'll just make a muck of it."

[Blackbead]

Huzzah, Ransom! Who's next?!?!?

[RustyNell]

I have a slew of "unfit to post" ones I will be singing for the LATE NIGHT pub crowd at PIP. Might consider posting some of the more PG13 ones here after I have debut them...

Thanks for starting this... these are great!!!

[HanaRead]

There once was a pirate named Rick

Who had a hook instead of a . . .

You're right, never mind.

haha nice!

Edited November 24, 2008 by HanaRead

[Blackbead]

Out of the Caribbean sailed a pirate named Sven,

Who was forever expelling odiferous wind,

One night the mess was broccoli,

Which caused the bo'sun to shout shockily,

"Run for your lives! Sven's at it again!"

[RustyNell]

Seeing as Dogge shared his and i promised...I said I'd share the crews, but I'll start with myself to be fair:

Rusty, the shanty thats me

both lusty and busty I be

to shag tis quite grand

a small fee when on land

but she'll plunder yer treasure at sea. (<--- the crew says this line )

Edited January 2, 2009 by RustyNell

[Ransom]

There once was a laddie named Goober

Who sailed on a lovely Gaff Schooner

With a girl in each port

He thought it great sport

To jump anything wearing lace bloomers.

[Cannibal Chrispy]

there once was a pirate named bates,

who danced the fandango on skates,

till he fell on his cutlass,

which rendered him nutless,

and practically useless on dates.

[Blackbead]

ROFLMAO!! Excellent! WELL done, mate! Well, c'mon ye 'lubbers! Where be the rest of ye?!?

[Blackbead]

Proud pirates boldly sail the Seven Seas,

Taking advantage of every little breeze.

Their cannon are always blazing,

Seeking booty that is amazing,

Poseidon's wild fury to appease!

[pyrateleather]

Here are a few...

A Pirate's old parrot called Paul

got a gift - an inflatable doll;

when he gave it a kiss

it just gave him a hiss

and then whistled and flew down the hall

There once was a Captain O'Doul,

Quite an unlucky old fool.

skinnydipping one night

a shark took a big bite

Now O'Doul Has A peg for a tool

A Captain O'Leary's old parrot

Was a foul mouthed bugger, I swear it,

washed his mouth out with soap

tied him up with a rope

Nothing worked, so we just grin and bear it!

A strapping old Pirate named Brock,

'twas said he stayed up round the clock,

The ladies revered him,

And the sailors all feared him,

Because he had a nineteen inch,

Sword that hung down the side of his leg... your dirty mind thought I was going to say something else, didn't you?

You young buggars think yer all the rage,

But Hoi, I'm quite good for MY age,

Arrgh, I'm quick in the riggin'

And me dinghy's a big'n,

Hey, it took two lads to haul it on stage.

[DeadcrowIsland]

There once was a man of the sea,

Who really, really had to pee,

But he'd drank himself numb,

So he pissed in the rum,

And that's how grog came to be.