Bush and letters of marque

[Merrydeath]

this might have been uploaded already but someone sent it to me and made lots of sense.. sorta.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Bush Administration issues Letters of Marque to Airlines

President Bush announced today that the administration had decided on a cost-effective way to assist the nation's flagging airlines, most of whom have suffered from declining ticket sales in the past two years.

"We believe that issuing Letters of Marque to our airlines will enable them to recoup a substantial percentage of their losses at virtually no expense to the American taxpayer," Bush said in a Rose Garden ceremony yesterday afternoon. "This is, to my mind, a win-win situation."

Letters of marque are documents providing authority to fit out an armed ship and use it to attack, capture, and plunder enemy merchant ships in time of war. They were used extensively by Queen Elizabeth I in the 16th and early 17th centuries, producing some notable privateers such as Sir Francis Drake. To date, they have only been used for sailing vessels, but government analysts see "no reason" why a Boeing jumbo jet wouldn't qualify as a suitable vessel.

"We are very excited about this proposal," said Gerard Arpey, the newly appointed CEO of the embattled American airlines. "The windows in a 747 already look like portholes; all we have to do is stick some cannons out of them, and we're ready to go." Logistics are still being worked out, but it is likely that passengers sitting in a cannon row will have similar obligations and restrictions as those sitting in an exit row.

Traditionally, letters of marque provide authority to plunder ships from a specific nation. President Bush was somewhat vague about the target countries, saying only that "well, if you need a translator to talk to them, odds are they could be fair game."

The United Nations Security Council expressed deep concern over the President's plan, noting that letters of marque have not been valid under international law for several centuries. "Frankly, the last thing we need is for jumbo jets full of American tourists to be hoisting the Jolly Roger and firing broadsides at any Airbus that comes across their path," said an anonymous diplomat from the United Kingdom. "I mean, we had our fun and all with Drake; but let's not get carried away."

Administration officials stressed that the letters only provided for "opportunistic plundering" and that flight plans would not be changed to increase the odds of better prey. "However, if someone goes a little out of their way to get their hands on an Iberia flight packed with gold bullion, well, that's their affair."

Human rights groups were outraged, but not surprised, at the developments.

"It's really just a hop, skip and a jump away from allowing handguns in the cockpit," said Amnesty International spokesperson Brianna Ghent. "Hopefully passengers will get tired of sharing cabin space with giant smoking cannons and the delays caused by all this privateering."

To complete the signing ceremony, Air Force One flew overhead and fired off a broadside at a passing Air France jet. "Yo ho ho," said Bush.

Current Issue: May 15, 2007

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Copyright © 2003-2005 The Watley Review, all rights reserved.

[Tartan Jack]

NOW, that is JUST WRONG!!!!

Funny, though.

I wonder how many will take that seriously?

[Bilgemunky]

Take it seriously? You mean it's not real?!?

Crap - I guess my ebay purchase of a Cessna was bit premature

[Matty Bottles]

Bilgemunky, maybe you could get a letter of marque from Quebec or Texas - i'm pretty sure they both regard themselves as independent, sovereign governments, and they're both probably crazy enough to issue one...

[Patrick Hand]

Dosen't Texas already have it's own Air Force ?

[Matty Bottles]

God, I hope not.

[Rumba Rue]

LOL!

[Rats]

Watch that 1st step for the boarding party!!!

[Tartan Jack]

Dosen't Texas already have it's own Air Force ?

Isn't it the Confederate Air Force?

-A bunch of old warbrds, mostly World War 2 era.

[Red Maria]

Well guys only congress, according to the Constitution can issues letters of marque. But this wouldn't be the first time Bush has igorned the Constituion! It can only be a joke!

[Cascabel]

Who is this guy, "Mark" ? ..... and why is he writing me letters ????

>>>>> Cascabel

[Tartan Jack]

Who is this guy, "Mark" ? ..... and why is he writing me letters ????

>>>>> Cascabel

Me thought his name be "Marque" (He must be Frenchy).

And, WHY he would write you?

NO IDEA!!!!!

[Lady Alyx]

taken from Wiki

The issue of Marque and Reprisal was raised before Congress by Rep. Ron Paul of Texas after the September 11, 2001 attacks[2], and again on July 21, 2007. Paul, defining the attacks as an act of "air piracy," introduced the Marque and Reprisal Act of 2001, which would have granted the president the authority to use Letters of Marque and Reprisal against the specific terrorists, instead of warring against a foreign state. Paul compared the terrorists to pirates in that they are difficult to fight by traditional military means.[3]

[Red Maria]

taken from Wiki

The issue of Marque and Reprisal was raised before Congress by Rep. Ron Paul of Texas after the September 11, 2001 attacks[2], and again on July 21, 2007. Paul, defining the attacks as an act of "air piracy," introduced the Marque and Reprisal Act of 2001, which would have granted the president the authority to use Letters of Marque and Reprisal against the specific terrorists, instead of warring against a foreign state. Paul compared the terrorists to pirates in that they are difficult to fight by traditional military means.[3]

If such an act passed it would have to be delared unconstutional

Article 1 Section 8 states:

Congress shall have the power to...

To declare war, grant letters of marque and reprisal, and make rules concerning captures on land and water

Congress also has the power to

To define and punish piracies and felonies committed on the high seas, and offenses against the law of nations;

Rep Paul seems ready to capitulate hia own power!

[Patrick Hand]

Do the Al Quida even have ships?......

<insert all th' camel jokes right here>