Captain Bob

23. The women's costumes make them all look like Festus from Gunsmoke.

If it sinks, just pretend you were really building a submarine and just wanted to throw us off the track.

When I was in the service I did a lot of reading about the history of military rations. It wasn't my job, just a hobby. While I can't recall any way to render hard tack palatable, the nearest approach I heard about involved soaking the biscuit in your coffee while frying the bacon, then frying it in the bacon grease. If any ACW reenactors are brave enough to try this, I'd be glad to hear whether it actually helped choke the @#$% thing down.

Thank'ee Cap'n Straw! I find that if I just shut up and listen long enough, eventually I'll get a usable response.

When I first viewed this topic, the term "serving mallet" inspired my imagination. I envisioned some guy in sailor's togs wearing a chef's hat and swinging an oversized sledgehammer to keep the crew outta the grub before it was ready to eat. I figured that eventually someone would describe both the appearance and function of a serving mallet, and I patiently waited to see what it was. It's been a couple of months now and I am still no wiser. Would someone please tell me what serving mallets are?

Sure does. Shoulder length works for me. Curly didn't have hair. You must be thinking of Larry. In the Sacred Tomato Valley, where else? As a matter of fact, in 1986 I was stationed at Shaw AFB near Sumpter, SC. Sorry.

Picky, picky. I still say that a woman's appearance is less important than how she relates to you. I'd rather be somebody's "special guy" than a sugar daddy. Having said that, I will admit that a wonderful personality accompanied by any of the following is Bonus: Red hair. Nothing against other colors, but that's my fave. Long hair (shoulder length or longer). Ample, natural boobage (more than a mouthful is not wasted, dammit!). Shapely legs. Hell, I'm not picky so let's leave it at that. Keep in mind that a lack of any (or even all) of the above is not a showstopper. When I really like a woman, I tend to like all of her. My ideal shifts until it becomes her, so it's what's under the skin that matters. Doesn't mean I never have to restrain the urge to stare, though.

What Do I Like In A Woman? Here's a (probably incomplete) list: The ability to accept a compliment from me without debating its veracity or questioning my sincerity. She's gotta like herself or she won't believe anyone else can, either. The ability to love me for myself, rather than for my "potential". If she loves who she thinks she can make me into, she doesn't care about who I was to begin with. The ability to say "I love you." without hearing it first. If I can do it, then so can you. The desire to work together to solve disagreements rather than seeking to assign blame. It's not about who's right, it's about what we can do to make it better. The ability to look at me and see not a wallet and credit rating, but a man she cares about. In exchange, I promise to look into her eyes for however long she specifies before staring at her breasts. A sex drive that isn't linked to the proximity of payday, and a willingness, nay, eagerness to see just how much fun we can have together, both naked and otherwise. I know what qualities I want in a woman because those are the ones my Ex-wife (that woman, or TW for short) lacked. In my defense, I can safely say she acted like she had those qualities until she found a better sugar-daddy. Bitter? No. Not like I used to be.

I just Googled "darin scheme" and got no results either, apart from a few hits that included the phrase "darin' [daring] scheme". After a couple of permutations, I found Darien Scheme. Is that what I've been missing?

I tried the link again. Here's what I got: That's what I see every time I try to view it. I'm afraid this might be one of those times Wikipedea doesn't mesh with WebTV. Most times my only problem is poor screen resolution, and some of that is relieved when I highlight the text. Other times, their charts and tables don't align correctly. This link is the first time I've seen the above message. (Several times over the last few days, actually.) Getting back on topic, wasn't Bartholomew Roberts a Scot?

Those were my thoughts as well. Any suggestions about how to make such a harness?

The Wikipedia entry you linked to (the Darin Scheme) appears to have been deleted. Could you give me a brief overview? Thanks for sharing. I deliberately avoided raising that issue because I really didn't even want to think about it myself. :) One halloween years ago, I answered the door for the kiddies dressed as a scotsman, wearing a great kilt. I wore plaid flannel boxers underneath. The idea of answering the door without them on would have been just too creepy. "Going regimental" was not a firmly established tradition until some time during the nineteenth century. At some time in the 17th century (at the latest), Scotsmen wore an undergarment that resembled boxer shorts supported by a drawstring. They might have neglected to don them if hurrying to get dressed for an impending battle, but under most circumstances they would have worn something for the sake of decency, hilarious folk songs notwithstanding. At least, that's what I've read.

Nice shoes, too. What kind are they and where might I get me own pair?

"Look at yonder ship that flies a plaid flag!" "Aye. Thar sails the dread pyrate MacDougal!" Okay, so maybe I'm crazy with the heat. I noticed at the last ren-faire I went to that the "scotsmen" had better, um... ventilation than I did. When it gets up to 105° you notice things like that, especially when you're dripping moisture like a wet sponge. Of course, wearing a corduroy frock coat didn't help in the least. I really didn't expect to get that overheated. Who knew the weatherman wasn't exaggerating? Okay, if there were any Scottish pirates, who were they? Would a highlander pirate have worn a kilt? A kilt wouldn't have been functionally different from sailor slops, would it?