jim hawkins

10 signs you're watching a bad pirate movie

83 posts in this topic

6) The cannon don't move when fired

OMG, DON'T YOU JUST HATE THIS?!

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7) Paris Hilton appears as a wench and breaks a nail

8) No one flinches, get sick or bleeds...well except for Paris Hilton

In the form ya hadda fill out fer the Pyrate Reality show........

They asked you what would you do for money... I said (well I wrote) I would sleep thit Paris Hilton.... (well she is kinda cute)......

Do you think that is why they didn't accept me on that tv show........

Yah..... given the chance (I have no morals)..... I'd have sex with Paris Hilton....... (an befor her boob job would be better..... I thought she was kinda sexy......)

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Its not a porno pirate movie and yet, the best actor in the movie is Ron Jeremy.

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the parrot in the movie was owned by a magician.

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A giant bar of soap floats past the ship

subtitles

when the ship sails engine noises can be heard

gratuitous parrots

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Hester appears in a cameo role as the "Cruise Director".

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The "First Mate" is a raven-haired secret agent, under cover as a beach bum.

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There's a tiki bar on the poop-deck.

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Eduardo makes an appearance as the villainous cabana boy.

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The lovely and talented Miss Rosy Palm has a role as a deckhand.

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The pirate ship grows a pair of dragon wings and flies off into outer space.

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its based on a ride at disneyland...

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The accents constantly change

One even has a drawl

They say "Me bucko" all the time

The ship has a big wind up key in back

Rosie shows up looking for the Bounty

They Microbrew the grog

The meanest guy bears an eerie resemblence to Captain Crunch and talks about milk way too much

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It's only called a pirate movie, because while doing the horizontal bop everywhere on the ship, the man wears a hoop earring, and a patch over one eye, and the woman has large tattoos and keeps her high-heeled bucket boots on.

They both, at the critical moment, yell, "Arrrrrrr...."

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They both, at the critical moment, yell, "Arrrrrrr...."

Hey...

I've......

eeergh....

Well a friend of mine saw that movie......

And told me alla bout it......

(yah.... that's it.... it was a friend that saw that movie....) :lol:

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the pirate ship is on loan from the treasure island hotel in las vegas.

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Pirates can chop solid hickory baseball bats in half with their cutlasses, when attacked by street gang members. (Matusalem 1993 Telefilm Canada).

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Pirates can chop solid hickory baseball bats in half with their cutlasses, when attacked by street gang members. (Matusalem 1993 Telefilm Canada).

I think I've seen that one on YouTube!

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They both, at the critical moment, yell, "Arrrrrrr...."

Hey...

I've......

eeergh....

Well a friend of mine saw that movie......

And told me alla bout it......

(yah.... that's it.... it was a friend that saw that movie....) :(

:P Sure, and that's what they all say.

(Starts rumaging through Patrick's pirate DVD collection.......Mupet Treasure Island, POTC 1 & 2, Cutthroat Island, Black Beard, Hook,...........Ah HA!)

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The ship lists to Port...everything slides to Starboard

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A band of Ninjas appear from out of nowhere kicking the crap outta everyone, when they suddenly realize they are on the wrong set!

( I saw this on a really really really bad horror film a long time ago. The head honcho looks at the camera and says... "Sorry; Bad sushi"... and they just ran off with all the horror film actors/actresses lying about in the alley looking stupid.) The basis of the film WAS Pyrate related though. It was about a cursed piece of jewlry from some never heard of Pyrates treasure. The amazing thing was that it was so low-budget they didn't even edit that out! Kinda made the movie worth watching though. B) )

Bo

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All weaponry, alchohol, rigging and ship rails have warning disclaimer labels

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the serving wench is a former las vegas showgirl.

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All the cabins and hold areas have 8 to 10 foot ceilings.

But when you cut to stock footage exteior shots the ship is clearly tiny.

Then Deck shots get big again, and people fight with no gear to obstruct them.

When they cut ropes, nothing happens to the canvas or rigging, but they can swing to ANY place on the ship or a nearby ship.

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In a word....pleather

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