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10 signs you're watching a bad pirate movie


jim hawkins

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6) The cannon don't move when fired

OMG, DON'T YOU JUST HATE THIS?!


"I being shot through the left cheek, the bullet striking away great part of my upper jaw, and several teeth which dropt down the deck where I fell... I was forced to write what I would say to prevent the loss of blood, and because of the pain I suffered by speaking."~ Woodes Rogers

Crewe of the Archangel

http://jcsterlingcptarchang.wix.com/creweofthearchangel#

http://creweofthearchangel.wordpress.com/

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7) Paris Hilton appears as a wench and breaks a nail

8) No one flinches, get sick or bleeds...well except for Paris Hilton

In the form ya hadda fill out fer the Pyrate Reality show........

They asked you what would you do for money... I said (well I wrote) I would sleep thit Paris Hilton.... (well she is kinda cute)......

Do you think that is why they didn't accept me on that tv show........

Yah..... given the chance (I have no morals)..... I'd have sex with Paris Hilton....... (an befor her boob job would be better..... I thought she was kinda sexy......)

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Its not a porno pirate movie and yet, the best actor in the movie is Ron Jeremy.

Why am I sharing my opinion? Because I am a special snowflake who has an opinion of such import that it must be shared and because people really care what I think!

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  • 2 weeks later...

A giant bar of soap floats past the ship

subtitles

when the ship sails engine noises can be heard

gratuitous parrots

Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help....

Her reputation was her livelihood.

I'm a pirate, love. By nature and by choice!

My inner voice sometimes has an accent!

My wont? A delicious rip in time...

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The accents constantly change

One even has a drawl

They say "Me bucko" all the time

The ship has a big wind up key in back

Rosie shows up looking for the Bounty

They Microbrew the grog

The meanest guy bears an eerie resemblence to Captain Crunch and talks about milk way too much

Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help....

Her reputation was her livelihood.

I'm a pirate, love. By nature and by choice!

My inner voice sometimes has an accent!

My wont? A delicious rip in time...

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It's only called a pirate movie, because while doing the horizontal bop everywhere on the ship, the man wears a hoop earring, and a patch over one eye, and the woman has large tattoos and keeps her high-heeled bucket boots on.

They both, at the critical moment, yell, "Arrrrrrr...."

...schooners, islands, and maroons

and buccaneers and buried gold...

RAKEHELL-1.jpg

You can do everything right, strictly according to procedure, on the ocean, and it'll still kill you. But if you're a good navigator, a least you'll know where you were when you died.......From The Ship Killer by Justin Scott.

"Well, that's just maddeningly unhelpful."....Captain Jack Sparrow

Found in the Ruins — Unique Jewelry

Found in the Ruins — Personal Blog

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They both, at the critical moment, yell, "Arrrrrrr...."

Hey...

I've......

eeergh....

Well a friend of mine saw that movie......

And told me alla bout it......

(yah.... that's it.... it was a friend that saw that movie....) :(

:P Sure, and that's what they all say.

(Starts rumaging through Patrick's pirate DVD collection.......Mupet Treasure Island, POTC 1 & 2, Cutthroat Island, Black Beard, Hook,...........Ah HA!)

...schooners, islands, and maroons

and buccaneers and buried gold...

RAKEHELL-1.jpg

You can do everything right, strictly according to procedure, on the ocean, and it'll still kill you. But if you're a good navigator, a least you'll know where you were when you died.......From The Ship Killer by Justin Scott.

"Well, that's just maddeningly unhelpful."....Captain Jack Sparrow

Found in the Ruins — Unique Jewelry

Found in the Ruins — Personal Blog

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The ship lists to Port...everything slides to Starboard

Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help....

Her reputation was her livelihood.

I'm a pirate, love. By nature and by choice!

My inner voice sometimes has an accent!

My wont? A delicious rip in time...

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A band of Ninjas appear from out of nowhere kicking the crap outta everyone, when they suddenly realize they are on the wrong set!

( I saw this on a really really really bad horror film a long time ago. The head honcho looks at the camera and says... "Sorry; Bad sushi"... and they just ran off with all the horror film actors/actresses lying about in the alley looking stupid.) The basis of the film WAS Pyrate related though. It was about a cursed piece of jewlry from some never heard of Pyrates treasure. The amazing thing was that it was so low-budget they didn't even edit that out! Kinda made the movie worth watching though. B) )

Bo

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All weaponry, alchohol, rigging and ship rails have warning disclaimer labels

Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help....

Her reputation was her livelihood.

I'm a pirate, love. By nature and by choice!

My inner voice sometimes has an accent!

My wont? A delicious rip in time...

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  • 1 month later...

All the cabins and hold areas have 8 to 10 foot ceilings.

But when you cut to stock footage exteior shots the ship is clearly tiny.

Then Deck shots get big again, and people fight with no gear to obstruct them.

When they cut ropes, nothing happens to the canvas or rigging, but they can swing to ANY place on the ship or a nearby ship.

Your most and obliged humble servant,

William Dezoma

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  • 3 weeks later...

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