captweaver65

Pirate Jokes & Evil Humour

388 posts in this topic

The following is, purportedly, the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation between a United States' naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, YOU divert YOUR course.

Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, The second largest ship in the US Atlantic Fleet. We are accopanied by 3 Destroyers, # Cruisers and numerous support vessles. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again that is 1 5 degress north or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse, sir. Your call.

:huh:

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Arr Capt Weaver, more great stuff! Thank you.

As for the smiley faces, I made 'em myself. Feel free to make use of them.

http://www.astroalley.com/emoticons/index.html

I'm not sure why but me server seems to be running a bit slow, sorry for the chug.

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As for the smiley faces, I made 'em myself. Feel free to make use of them.

http://www.astroalley.com/emoticons/index.html

Those are thunderously fine smileys, my odiferous shipmate. I'll have to see if we can get our honorable Captain Admin to add them to our smiley menagerie here on the Pyracy Pub, if that's alright with you.

Blackheartedly yrs,

--Jamaica Rose

"Do I make myself clear?"

"Inescapably."

--Commodore Norrington and Capt. Jack Sparrow

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They're really beautiful. I'm salivating at the opportunity to plug 'em in. Hopefully my plan to upgrade the forum will culminate in a few short weeks and I'll install them all with it.

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Well I'm glad that they be so appreciated. I've got plans to make more, I just need to get organized, maybe back off the rum a bit and find the time.

Not that I be making any promises ‘ere, but feel free to send me suggestions.

Enjoy!

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oh boy!!!

cute,adorable new pirate smilies!

can't wait!

B)B)B)

I think the main smiley thats been missing is the one with the crooked halo.I like to pretend innocence occasionally-hehe.

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A Sailor's Promise

A young woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself in to the ocean.

She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."

Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Two weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.

"What are you doing here?" the captain asked.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

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hardy-haRRRRR! Good one! Mebbee I'll try that between here and Alcatraz! Shiver me timber! I like the smilie snorring wiff 'is hat on! B)

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Arr, maybe I should rename that one the royalist... pirateSleep1.gif

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another delightfully sick lymerick

The sea captain's tender young bride

Fell into the bay at low tide,

You could tell by her squeals,

That some of the eels,

Had discovered a dark place to hide

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pirateAnimeLol1.gifArr, you are bad!

captWeaver.gif

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hehe

:D

Well,down in the Pyracy Pub,

For the blackest of souls;it's our club.

Our passions we stoke,

with the smell of gun smoke,

and for many a fine place to rub

CW

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Arr, did you notice it's name lass?

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Arr they be ment to be unisex, though some of them do 'ave a bit of beard stubble... I could add girlie eyelashes if you like.

pirateAngryBlinkAnim2.gif

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Arr, I was unable to resist...

captWeaver.gif

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aaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

ain't got no scurvy girlie eyelashes

:ph34r:

...wel...I guess maybe I do-but I don't got no harlot color on em!

yer a bad and mischievious man,Stynky me mate

:ph34r:

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There once was a pirate named Stynky,

Who liked to go play with his winky.

Way up in the shrouds,

he would think of Miss Dowds.

The results made the deck rather manky.

CW

captWeaver.gif

hehe

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Avast there!

Tha' bit o' poetry is meant fer another forum.... (guffaw)

Hehehe... makin' me bloody guts 'urt... :ph34r:

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me favortie quote :ph34r:

"Eagles may soar, free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines."

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Theres this english sailor a scottish sailor and An Irish sailor and they're all braggin about their pubs at home. The englishman says that at his pub if you buy three drinks thats ye gets the next one fer free . The Scott says thats nothin at me home pub when when ye buys two drinks ye gets the next one fer free. The Irishman says I have ye both beat.. at me home pub you gets the first drink fer free and every drink thereafter and when you have had your fill they take you upstairs and you have sex all night long. Well the englishman and the Scott proclaim their doubt at this story and ask the Irishman if he has really experienced this and he says " Well not me personally but it did happen to me sister ... :ph34r:

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