cap'n no-beard

Bitch by Dope *headbangs so hard eyes pop out of head*

block of edam and a can of ting... i dont feel too good

I'm closely related to Alexander McQueen (if ye haven't heard of him on the other side of the pond google 'im)

why did the pervert cross the road??? because his dick was stuck in the chicken

im officially the worlds most boring person, its true! ive naver broken a bone or got a tattoo or have a piercing and i have no hobbies to speak of, i dont like sports i dont smoke and i dont drink excessivly, ive never had a one night stand and have been in just one steady relationship for almost 2 years which is still my first relationship of any description, i dont have any intresting stories or weird allergies or phobias and i cant do anything weird with my body (then again i dont often check).

I was assulted a year ago today purely because of what i was wearing and i still haven't heard anything from the police even though he was arrested at the scene!! (grrrrrrrr!!!) Oh and that reminds me the thing that annoys me the most is ignorance (GRRRRRRRR!!!) cap'n no-beard

What's blue and doesn't fit anymore???? A dead epileptic

O.K. so theres alot of satirical material in there but in all honesty i really love bush... i just cant stand george dubya! im sorry i just couldn't help myself

What do you get when you cross James Dean with George Bush? A rebel without a clue.

Why will they bury George Bush face down? So he can see where he is going.

What's the difference George Bush and a chimpanzee? One has the mental abilities of a human child and the other likes to eat bananas.

Why is Dolly Parton jealous of Washington D.C.? It has two of the biggest boobs in the world - Bush & Dick

George Bush ok so thats not strictly a joke but just mentiong him always makes me laugh

ok these aren't jokes there more observations but i hope u find em funny anyway. i was flicking through the tv channels and i came across a programe with a scary looking televangelist was asking people from the audience if they had had any religious experinces, eventually a woman stood up and was asked to come on to the stage and share her story, she then revealed a story of when she was walking along the side of a cliff when she slipped and was convinced she was going to die when she felt a hand reach out and grab her and pull her back and when she looked around and saw no-one there she was convinced it was a guardian angel who had saved her from death... now it might be just me but i dont think if there was an angel who saved her it obviously didnt actually like her if it saved her cuz it didnt want her to die and come to heaven!! the other one is also based around religion. my aunt is a die-hard born again christain and is always trying to convince me god does exist, one day she was giving me her usuall speech when i exploded and shouted 'god does not exist! there is no actual evidence or any kind of proof!!' she clamly replied saying 'there may be no proof god exists but u cant show me oxygen, if u can prove oxygen exists i'll prove god exists' so i asphyxiated her

An 18 year old virgin is on a plane home from her holiday when suddenly the pilot comes onto the intercom and says 'ladies and gentlemen, we have lost both engines and are going to crash land, say goodbye to your loved ones as this is the last chance you will have to speak to them.' hearing this the woman jumps up and screams 'ive never had sex but i dont want to die a virgin, can anyone make me feel like a woman before i die??' hearing this the pilot busts out of the cockpit, rips off his shirt and says 'here love, iron this'