Supposedly Born in DeVon shire, given birth during a pub brawl instigate by his mother. Growing up in poverty without benefit of a shift of clothes or knowledge of bathing, this foul-odored street urchin could find employment only as a dung collector.
After an altercation with a member of parliament resulting in a 50 pound fine, he accepted a magistrate’s invitation to join the Royal Navy. The career choice was short lived, however …owing to his aversion to clean water and repeated refusal to wear anything other than filthy rags. This resulted in the only known case of a marooning by the Royal Navy. Mr. Diamond was rescued by the crew of the “Intimidator” A well know pirate vessel.
At this time he was observed screaming and threatening sharks with an empty pistol, standing upon a sand bar.
Being settled in a berth next to the bilge, he was assigned to a gun crew, quickly showing his distaste for weapons cleaning, resulting in an unusual amount of misfires, perhaps explained by his habit of loading cannons with bilge waste, to fire into the faces of the Royal Navy. Condemned in absentia for the crimes of piracy, theft, assault and spreading disease, hereby sentenced to hanging, after a proper cleaning.
