COUSIN ROBBIE

OH JOHNNY, IT WAS BAD. I GOT TWO DEER PELTS TO TAN AND I DON'T KNOW HOW SO I ASKED DUTCH FOR HELP BECAUSE HE KNOWS HOW HE'S SMART LIKE THAT AT LEAST HE SAYS HE IS SO I FIGURED I WOULD DO ONE AND SEE HOW IT TURNED OUT SO I PUT THE OTHER IN THE FREEZER WELL THE ONLY PLACE WAS ON TOP OF A FROZEN ROAST AND WENT UT TO GET THE MATERIALS I NEEDED SO I STRETCHED THE HIDE OUT AND SEPARATED THE TISSUE LIKE I WAS SUPPOSED TO AND IT WAS OK, SMELLED BUT OK AND WASN'T TOO HARD SO I GOT DONE WITH THAT AND THEN CALLED DUTCH TO SEE WHAT NEEDED TO BE DONE NEXT HE SAID TO SALT IT DOWN REALLY WELL SO I DID AND THEN I HUNG IT UP TO DRAIN BUT THEN IT STARTED SNOWING DUTCH SAID IT WAS GOING TO AND IT DID HE'S SMART LIKE THAT HE KNOWS ABOUT THESE THINGS WHY HE JUST KNOWS WHEN ITS GOING TO IT AMAZING HE SAID IT WAS GOING TO BE A DRY SNOW....... SO I FIGURED IF IT WAS A DRY SNOW IT WOULDN'T GET EVERYTHING WET WELL IT DID NEXT THING YA KNOW THERE IS SALT AND WATER AND FROZEN HIDE ALL OVER THE PLACE SO I ASKED DUTCH WHAT OT DO AND HE SAID TO TAKE IT SOMEPLACE DRY WHERE IT COULD DRAIN AND NOT MESS ANYTHING UP SO I DID I TOOK IT TO THE ONLY WARM PLACE WHERE IT COULD DRAIN IN THE HOUSE NOW I DIDN'T MIND THE SMELL AND IT WAS DRAINING BUT I COULDN'T TAKE A BATH SO I WENT AWAY AND SYPHYLUSS CAME AND WENT TO FIND SOMETHING IN THE FREEZER FOR DINNER AND WELL THERE WAS THIS HIDE OVER THE ROAST SHE WANTED TO MAKE WELL AFTER THAT EXCITEMENT SHE WANTED TO TAKE A BATH TO RELAX..............

OHHH ITS HORRIBLE< ITS ALL DUTCHES FAULT HE SAID I SHOULD AND I DID AND HE WAS RIGHT BUT I MISUNDERSTOOOOOOOD HIM AND NOW SHE IS MAD AT MEEEE! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT WOULD HAPPEN! I DID WHAT HE SAID AND HE WAS RIGHT BUT I DIDNT DO IT RIGHT AND NOW ITS A BIG MESS!!!!

COUSIN JOHHNNNYYY OH COUSIN JOHHHNNNY WHAT DO I DO???? SYPHILLYS IS MAD AT ME!!!!!!! WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO????

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from the clothing thread..... "here here! huzzah for silkie!!....oy captain......im surprized youd have such a photo in a visible spot...i would have though hed be hidden him from view......id rather be seen with syphilis than your dear cousin........lol " -Bos'n Cross MR. CROSS!!!! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN WITH SYPHILLIS FOR SEVERAL YEARS NOW AND SHE STANDS BY MY SIDE THROUGH THICK AND THIN. NEVER COMPLAINS BUT ADMITTEDLY SOMETIMES IS A PAIN AND REMINDS ME SHE IS THERE ALMOST DAILY. HOW DARE YOU SAY YOU WOULD RATER BE SEEN WITH HER WHY WHY WHY OH JUST LET ME CATCH YOU WITH SYPHILLIS! THIS...... IS AN INSULT ON HER HONOR. I INSIST ON A DUEL!

OH JOHHHNNNNYYYYYY!!! OH COUSIN JOHNNNYYYY HEY DUTCH SAID THAT IN ORDER FOR ME TO TO GO TO BEAUFORT I NEEDED MIGRATION PAPERS AND SOME SHOTS SINCE I WAS GOING TO BEGIN MIGRATING SOUTH AND BE IN FLORIDA IN TIME FOR PIP I SHOULD JUST AS WELL START NOW SO I THOUGHT I WOULD AND DUTCH BEING SMART AND ALL I FIGURED I SHOULD LISTEN TO WHAT HE HAS TO SAY DESPITE THE WHOLE SWIMMING INCIDENT AND CATCHING CANNONBALLS MISTAKE BUT I THINK I COULD HAVE REALLY CAUGHT A SMALL ONE SO HE SAID I MIGRATE NORTH AND SOUTH LIKE BIRDS SO I SHOULD PROBABLY GET A BIRD FLU SHOT AND THAT MADE SENSE THEN HE SHOWED ME A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT AND I' M NOT SO SURE NOW DO I REALLY NEED THIS? I'D REALLY HATE TO GET SICK AND HAVE THIS HAPPEN TO ME.

HEY DUTCHIE... WHO SHE?? AND YOU WOULDN'T LET ME COME TO DELTAVILLE I HOPE YOUR HAPPY AND THEN YOU SOLD MY STUFF IN HAMPTON THATS OK ILL BE AT BEAUFORT AND THEN ILL GET TO MEET ALL THESE NEW FOLKS THAT YOU'RE EMBARRASED TO INTRODUCE ME TO

THEY ARE ENJOYABLE I LIKE THEM DURRING THE HOLIDAYS THEY MAKE YOU FEEL ALL WARM AND FUZZY AND SIT AROUND THE FIRE KUMBAYA SORT OF TREE HUGGER HAPPY. THE RECOVERY SITES ARE PRETTY NEAT ONE OF THEM HAS AN OBSERVATION DOCK RIGHT ALONG SIDE IT AND IF ITS LOW TIDE AND THEY HAVE THE PUMPS ON YOU CAN SEE THE SHIP UNDER A FILM OF WATER THEY DONT EXPOSE IT BUT JUST DROP THE WATER LEVEL SO ITS EASIER TO WORK AROUND ITS REALLY NEAT THEY EVEN BRING UP A RELIC OR TWO BUT THE TIMES IVE BEEN IT WAS THE SAME ONION BOTTLE I THINK THEY LEAVE IT DOWN THERE AND BRING IT UP TO IMPRESS THE CROWD. SORT OF LIKE FIREWORKS- OOHHH, AHHHH, THEN IT GOES AWAY.

ONE TIME COUSIN JOHNNY AND DUTCH AND ME AND SOME OTHER KIDS WERE PLAYING AND BUILDING A TREE HOUSE IT WAS A GOOD TREE HOUSE BUT WE WERE GOING TO MAKE IT BETTER COUSIN JOHNNY DROPPED A LOG ON ONE OF THE OTHER KIDS FOOT AND HE GOT MAD AND LEFT AND TOOK HIS HAMMER AND SAW WITH HIM WE HAD ONLY BEEN WORKING A LITTLE BIT SO WE HAD NOT GOTTEN TOO FAR INTO THE NEW CONSTRUCTION AND WE WERE LEFT WITH THE OLD TREE HOUSE BUT IT COULD HAVE BEEN A REAL NICE ONE THAT WOULD HAVE HELD US ALL SOME OLD FRIENDS CAME ALONG AND HELPED FINISH THE JOB AND IT WAS A GREAT TIME. WELL THE KID WITH THE HURT FOOT WENT OFF AND MADE HIS OWN TREE HOUSE FOR HIMSELF EVENTUALLY HE GOT LONELY AND WANTED TO COME BACK HE EVEN APPOLOGIZED BUT NOONE LISTENED, SEEMS HE HAD STOMPED OFF BEFORE AND NOONE WANTED TO LISTEN TO HIM ANY MORE. YOU SEE, HE FORGOT THAT HE WAS NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH A HAMMER AND SAW NOR WAS HE THE ONLY ONE THAT KNEW HOW TO BUILD A TREE HOUSE.

IF YOU MAKE A COMMITMENT TO BE SOMEWHERE OR DO SOMETHING, DON'T WALK OFF AND EXPECT OTHERS TO PICK UP YOUR PIECES.

A TRISTE ON THE ART OF SEARCHING FOR AND REMOVAL OF CERTAIN HARDENED SALVAGED OBJECTS WITHIN THE NASAL PASSAGES OF YOUR FRIENDS AND RELATIONS AND ONES SELF BY COUSIN ROBBIE DEDICATED TO MY FRIENDS PHLEGM AND LUGGIE, AFFECTIONATELY KNOWN AS "THE SNOTTIES" IT MAY INTRIGUE THE READER TO FIRST BE AQUAINTED WITH THE REVELATION THAT ONE NOSTREL ON ONES NOSE IS FOUND TO BE SLIGHTLY LARGER THAN THE OTHER. GENERALLY THE RIGHT IS THE LARGER OF THE PAIR. ONES TIP OF THEIR INDEX FINGER ON THEIR RESPECTIVE HAND ASSOCIATED WITH THE RESPECTIVE FINGER AND NOSTREL MAY ALSO FOUND TO BE SLIGHTLY LARGER OR SMALLER THAN THE OTHER, MUCH THE SAME AS THE NOSTREL. MORE INTERESTINGLY, THE AFORE MENTIONED INDEX FINGER WILL PROPPERLY FIT INTO THE OWNERS RESPECTIVE NOSTREL QUITE COMFORTABLY, HOWEVER IT SELDOM WILL FIT AS COMFORTABLY INTO ANOTHERS NOSTREL. BEARING THIS IN MIND I WOULD LIKE TO KEEP THE READER ABREAST OF MAINTAINING ONES NOSE AND CONTAINED SALVAGED OBJECTS. EVERY ACTION DONE TO THE NOSE IN COMPANY, OUGHT BE DONE WITH SOME SIGN OF RESPECT, TO THOSE THAT ARE PRESENT SHOW NOTHING TO YOUR FRIENDS THAT MIGHT AFRIGHT HIM IF GOOD FORTUNE IS FOUND UPON YOUR SEARCH WHILE IN COMPANY, OFFER TO THOSE FIRST THERE IS ALSO PRESENT, PROTOCOL IN DEALING WITH SALVAGED ITEMS THAT MAY NOT BE APPROPRIATE AS DONE WITH SALVAGE AS TO FRIENDS AND RELATIONS YOU MAY PICK YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU MAY PICK YOUR NOSE, BUT NOT YOUR FRIENDS NOSE YOU MAY PICK YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU MAY PICK YOUR NOSE, BUT WIPE NOT YOUR FRIENDS UPON THE COUCH YOU MAY PICK YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU MAY PICK YOUR NOSE, BUT FLICK NOT YOUR FRIENDS ACROSS THE ROOM YOU MAY PICK YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU MAY PICK YOUR NOSE, BUT EAT NOT YOUR FRIENDS MOST RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED, YMHS- COUSIN ROBBIE

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THE SKY DIDN"T FALL THE SKY DIDNT FALL!!!!!!!!

HERE HORSIE HORSIE HORSIE. WHY WON"T THE PRETTY HORSIE COME TO ME???? MAYBE I"LL JUST KICK IT.

OHHHHH SUTLER JIM DUTCH SAID YOU WERE GOING TO HAVE SOME THINGS DONE AT THE HOSPITAL AND HE SAID NOT TO BOTHER YOU UNTIL AFTER THE SURGERY HE SAID I MAKE PEOPLE NERVOUS SOMETIMES I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT A THING I'VE HAD LOTS OF THINGS DONE TO ME AT THE HOSPITAL FIRST THEY WRAP YOU IN A VEST WITH LONG SLEEVES AND YOU GET TO HUG YOURSELF ALL DAY LONG AND THEN THEY PUT YOU IN A ROOM BY YOURSELF AND IF YOU HOLLER IT ECHOES IT SOUNDS REALLY NEAT YOU MAKE MAKE GHOST SOUNDS AND IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE NOT IN THERE BY YOURSELF BUT IF SOMEONE ACROSS THE HALL JUST SCREAMS AND SCREAMS AND SCREAMS IT GETS ANNOYING AND THEN SOMEONE WILL ASK TO BE LET OUT THEN SOMEONE ALWAYS COMPLAINS ABOUT THE FOOD COME TO THINK OF IT I'M GLAD I GET SENT OUT DURING THE DAY BUT IF I'M NOT BACK HOME BY SUNDOWN THEY COME AND FIND ME DON'T WORRY SUTLER JIM ILL BE RIGHT THERE AFTER YOU COME OUT OF THE ROOM AND TAKE CARE OF YOU I HAVE LOTS OF GAMES WE CAN PLAY AND I KNOW COOKIE WILL SEND SOME SHIPS BISCUITS WITH US I KNOW HOW YOU LIKE THEM WHY YOU WILL BE UP AND GOING IN NO TIME AT ALL WHEN ONE OF DUTCH'S FRIENDS HAD THIS SAME THING DONE A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO HE WAS A BIT SLOW TO MEND SO HE SUGGESTED I GO VISIT HIM AND WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT HE WAS UP AND GONE OUT OF THE HOUSE SOON AFTER I GOT THERE THE WHOLE TOWN SAID IT WAS A MIRACLE AND IT WAS A GOOD THING I CAME ALONG WHEN I DID OTHERWISE I WOULD HAVE MISSED IT SEEING MIRACLES IS NOT THAT IMPRESSIVE I'VE SEEN PEOPLE DO LOTS OF THINGS THAT JUST AREN'T NORMAL WHEN I'M AROUND GRACE SAYS ITS BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT FOLKS ALOT AND DUTCH SAYS ITS MY PERSONALITY THAT MAKES PEOPLE DO AMAZING THINGS SO YOU WILL BE OK AND THEN WHEN YOU ARE READY LET ME KNOW AND WE CAN GO DO SOMETHING FUN AND CROSS CAN EVEN COME ALONG TOO

OOHHH IT WAS A GOOD EVENT, BUT I WASN'T ALLOWED IN THE CAMP COUSIN JOHNNY SAID I HAD TO STAY OUTSIDE AND NOT TALK TO ANY ONE ESPECIALLY NOT THE FINE FOLKS WITH THE BLUE RIBBONS THAT SAID JUDGE SO I WENT AND SAW WHAT THERE WAS TO SEE I SAW MARKG WORKING THE SAKER OH IT WAS GRAND AND HE WAS SMILING AND THE SEA RATS WERE THERE THEY SEEMED TO BE HAVING FUN AND I TALKED TO THEM FOR A WHILE AND ONE OF THEM REMEMBERED ME IT HAD BEEN A WHILE SINCE I SAW HIM AND THE CREW OF THE OTTER HAD THEIR LONG BOAT THERE AND THEY WERE NICE TOO AND THE DONUT DOLLIES FROM THE SALVATION ARMY WERE THERE FROM WWI AND THEY LIKED ME THEY SAID I WAS THE BEST EXAMPLE OF AN IMPOVERISHED INDIGENT THEY HAD EVER SEEN AND THEY ASKED ME WHERE I HAD GOTTEN MY CLOTHES FROM AND I SAID THE ASYLUM AND THEY LAUGHED AND I SAID NO PEOPLE FROM THE PARISH DONATE TO THE ASYLUM ALL THE TIME TO KEEP US OUT OF THE STREETS THEY ARE AFRAID WE WILL GET HIT BY A CARRIAGE OR SOMETHING SO THEY GAVE ME A DONUT AND THERE WAS ONE GROUP THERE THAT WAS DRESSED LIKE COUSIN JOHNNYS FRIENDS.... WELL NOT REALLY DRESSED LIKE THEM.... WELL UM THEY SAID THEY WERE PRIVATEERS.... BUT THEY SANG SONGS AND THE CIVIL WAR GUYS MARCHED RIGHT BY SINGING THE EXACT SAME SONG SO THE PRIVATEERS STOPPED SINGING THAT SONG BUT IT WAS A GOOD TIME

OHHHHHH CHEEKYS DOIN TRICKS

THE SKY IS FALLING THE SKY IS FALLING I'M GOING TO HIDE IN THE CLOSET AND SAVE MYSELF GET OUT OF THE WAY CROSS

I HAVE PICTURES!!!!!! OH LOOKIE LOOKIE LOOKIE ITS ME ITS ME!!!!!!!!!!! THERE I AM!!!!! LOOK THERE IS MADD'OGGE TRYING TO DRINK ALL THE WATER! SO I WENT IN AFTER HIM I SAVED HIM IT WAS MY TURN FOR BREAKFAST SO I MADE BREAKFAST IN BED FOR CROSS HE DOES SO MUCH FOR EVERY ONE ELSE I THOUGHT I WOULD DO SOMETHING NICE FOR HIM (he's not a morning person) HE LIKED HIS MARSHMALLOWS COUSIN JOHNNY WAS REACHIN FOR A WHOLE HAND FULL! EVERYONE LIKED THEM! OREO'S A GOOD BIRD!!!

????? um mister callenish, what do you know that i dont? i thought that chickens gave the pox now your telling me someones muff has the pox???? how did that happen??? ohh i feel so sad people going around with sick muffs like that why it could start to wilt and wither and sag then dribble fur all over the place then it would'nt be any good to anyone

OHHH ITS OK TO SHARE THEM TOO??? I LIKE SHARING BUT IF ITS MADE FOR MISS BRIG THEN HOW DOES IT FIT MR ROBERTS HAND BECAUSE IF ITS HERS THAN HE SHOULD ASK BEFORE HE GOES STICKING HIS HANDS IN IT HE COULD STRETCH IT ALL OUT WHY I WAS TELLING HAMISH ALL ABOUT WHATS YOURS IS YOURS AND WHERE IT BELONGS AT PIP THIS YEAR I'D HATE FOR HIM TO GROW UP AND GET IT ALL WRONG AND TRY TO PUT SOMETHING THATS HIS WHERE IT DOESNT BELONG ESPECIALLY IF IT BELONGS TO SOMEONE ELSE BUT IF ITS YOURS YOU CAN PLAY WITH IT THAT WAY IF IT BREAKS ITS YOUR FAULT. YOU SEE ITS LIKE THIS YOUR FINGER IS DESIGNED TO FIT IN YOUR NOSE, NOT YOUR FRIENDS SO I WAS TELLING HAMISH YOU CAN PICK YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU CAN PICK YOUR NOSE BUT YOU CANT PICK YOUR FRIENDS NOSE AND YOU CAN PICK YOUR FRIENDS AND PICK YOUR NOSE BUT YOU CANT WIPE YOUR FRIENDS ON THE COUCH AND YOU CAN PICK YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU CAN PICK YOUR NOSE BUT YOU CANT FLICK YOUR FRIENDS ACROSS THE ROOM AND I WAS THINKING THAT IT WAS A GOOD THING THAT MADDOGGE DIDN'T DIVE OFF THE BOAT WITH A MUFF WHY HE MAY HAVE LOST IT AND THEN I WOULD HAVE HAD TO GO DIVING FOR THAT TOO BUT WHAT IF MISS BRIG DIDNT WANT TO SHARE WITH MISTER JACK ITS HERS AFTER ALL AND SHE DOESNT HAVE TO SHARE I BET HE WOULD BE UPSET BUT ITS NICE WHEN SOMEONE SHARES SOMETHING THAT EVERY ONE WANTS WHY I BET THAT LADY THAT ALWAYS CHASES AFTER THE CAPTAIN WOULD SHARE HERS IF I ASKED SHES MY FRIEND

OH JACK ROBERRRRTS!!!! HI AGAIN ITS ME ROBBIE I WONDER IF GUNNER IS RIGHT WILL IT KEEP YOU WARM I THINK I MIGHT TRY TO MAKE ONE HOW DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG A HAIR YOU NEED FOR MAKING ONE YOU HAVE SHORT HAIR AND REGULAR HAIR AND LONG HAIR RABBITS TO MAKE ONE OUT OF ARE THERE BALD RABBITS YOU COULD MAKE A BARE ONE OUT OF BUT THAT WOULDNT MAKE MUCH SENSE EVEN TO SIMPLE OLD ME OHHH AND THEN THE COLORS LOTS OF CHOICES WHY I BET YOU COULD EVEN FIND THE RIGHT COLOR TO MATCH A LADIES HAIR ON HER HEAD WOULDN'T THAT BE SOMETHING I BET IT WOULD BE PRETTY BUT DUTCH SAID THAT SOME WOMEN DIE THEIR HAIR NOW THAT WOULD BE CONFUSING WOULD THEY DIE THE RABBIT TOO AND WHAT IF ITS TOO SMALL IT WOULD BE TIGHT BUT THEN I GUESS IT WOULD WEAR OUT A LITTLE AND STRETCH AND WHAT ABOUT DWARF RABBITS YOU WOULD NNED MORE THAN ONE TO KEEP YOU WARM I DONT KNOW I THINK I MIGHT NOT GET IT RIGHT IVE SEEN PICTURES OF ONE BUT IVE NEVER PUT MY HANDS IN ONE MAYBE I SHOULD JUST STAY AWAY FROM THEM

MADDDD DOGGGIEEEE ITS OK IM HERE ILL HELP YOU WHY YOU FELL OFF THE BOAT WEARING THAT DRESS AND THE NOODLE ON YOUR CHIN I JUST KNEW YOU WERE IN TROUBLE AND SURE ENOUGH IN YOU WENT AND THERE WERE YOUR FEET UP IN THE AIR AND NOT IN THE WATER LIKE YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE AND I SAID TO MY SELF SELF HES NOT SWIMMING HES IN TROUBLE AND SURE ENOUGH THERE YOU WERE IN TROUBLE SO I WENT JUMPING IN AFTER YOU BUT I COULDNT FIND YOU BUT YOU PULLED ME UNDER AND I CAME BACK UP AND YOU WERE GONE AGAIN BUT I FOUND YOU AND YOUR NIGHT CAP WHY DO YOU HAVE RIBBONS ON YOUR NIGHT CAP AND PULLED YOU TO SAFETY WHILE EVERYONE ELSE WAS BUSY TAKING PICTURES OF YOU AND LAUGHING WHY YOU COULD HAVE LOST YOUR CAP FOR GOOD